


you, and the moon, and neptune

by alnima



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Kiss, M/M, Magical Realism, OT5 Friendship, Road Trips, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, set in the USA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-30 02:34:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15742386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alnima/pseuds/alnima
Summary: When Niall was younger, his mother used to tell him that he was made from the sun. That a piece of it lies within his heart and is embedded so deeply inside of him that it’s become a part of him. That Niall and the sun were one, were extensions of each other living in different parts of the galaxy. They’re both so incredibly integral to the world around them and to each other that, the only thing the sun could think to do to show Niall was to present him with a gift.A gift that's his and his alone.Now, Niall isn't a fool. He knows there’s no possible way the sun has ever offered him a gift. Niall knows that can’t be true. But her words have never felt wrong. Deep down, it's never felt like she’s been telling him something that might not be true, as far as his gift is concerned. Because as Niall's come to understand, there's no one in the world like him, just like there's nothing in the world like the sun.





	you, and the moon, and neptune

**Author's Note:**

> So, in 2014 when I wrote one of my other Ziall fics, I emailed an old friend about this idea I got while watching Tangled. It was 5:40 in the morning and it was just supposed to be some lack of sleep induced idea that we talked about for a few days because it's fun to create worlds with your friends. But...here I am, in 2018, finally bringing this fic to life. It's changed a lot from my 5:40am idea of madness, but I'm so happy to see it out in the world.
> 
> There is a GORGEOUS [piece of art](http://zarryzouis.tumblr.com/post/177283343816/you-and-the-moon-and-neptune-alnima-33k) to accompany this fic, made by the amazingly talented [Katelyn](https://zlall.tumblr.com/). Seriously. It's gorgeous. Katelyn is a wonderful person and friend, and I am endlessly grateful for her patience with me throughout this. It took me ages to write this, and I was a mess of stress and lack of sleep, and she never once showed an frustration with me. Though, she probably should have because I'm the absolute worst. Oh, and for helping to make corrections to all of this-- most of which was written under the influence of absolutely not one moment of sleep.
> 
> And of course, thank you to Katelyn, Yuzu, and Di for giving me a few extra days to finish this and catch up on sleep, but mostly for creating this wonderful fic event and all of your endless patience.

Niall doesn’t know what time it is, but he knows that the sun is streaming in through his windows and it’s getting to the point that he can no longer ignore it.

When he stumbles out of bed, his dad is at the front door, shoving his feet into his work boots, so Niall knows that it’s early. Time doesn’t really matter, not to him. Niall offers him a wave as his dad mumbles for him to have a good day, before disappearing out the front door.

Niall’s mornings follow a routine. Typically, he’ll wake up just as his dad is leaving for work, and then he’ll stop in the bathroom for a couple minutes before heading back to the kitchen to make breakfast. Cassini is usually there, diving between his feet as she begs for breakfast, her food bowl empty. Like a typical cat, if she can see a sliver of the bottom, she starts to act as though she’s never had food before, so Niall likes to feed her before he takes care of himself.

He’s eating when his mom comes into the kitchen, patting him on the back as she starts to gather her things. She’s in her work clothes, getting ready for her twelve-hour shift at the local hospital. Niall’s never seen it in person, but according to the pictures she’s shown him and the stories his mother has told, it’s smaller than most of the big city hospitals.  

“Don’t forget to stay in the house,” his mom says, just like she does every morning. It’s routine— unnecessary routine, but routine all the same.

“I won’t,” Niall mumbles, mouth full of food, as he watches her reach across the table for her purse. He frowns when he notices the burn on her wrist.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” she says. “Did it this morning on the stove.”

“Let me do it,” Niall demands, dropping his fork so he can reach out for her.

She shakes her head and says, “No, it’s okay,” but Niall’s already wrapping his fingers around her wrist.

Niall thinks about the sun and warmth. He feels it in his body, tiny tendrils of _something_ coursing through his veins and radiating through his fingers. When he lets go, the burn is gone, and his mom is as good as new.

She kisses his head and promises that she’ll see him soon.

And that’s it. Niall’s alone.

He finishes his breakfast in relative peace, feeding Cassini bits of bacon when she tries to swat it out of his hand. Feeding her bites of his food is the only way that he can enjoy his breakfast, unless he locks the cat up in the other room, which still won’t bring him peace because she’ll do that deep bellow meow that makes it sound like she’s in pain. So feeding her it is.

Following breakfast, Niall continues to move through his carefully planned routines by getting dressed and stepping outside to feed the chickens.

It’s warm out, but not warm enough that he’s miserable. He lets Cassini out with him, allowing her to follow him around. He needs to trim the grass today, since it’s getting tall and his dad finally bought gas for the mower. Cassini will need to be let back inside for that, though.

“Good morning,” Niall calls out as he approaches the chicken coop. “I hope you ladies brought your appetites because we’ve got some good scraps this morning.”

The chickens ignore him, as they do, but several of them perk up at the sound of his voice. They know he means food, and not the stuff they find themselves in the grass and dirt, but the good stuff that’s leftover from meals they’ve eaten in the house. Worms and bugs are well and good, Niall’s sure, but he’s actually eaten this food and can confirm, without a doubt, that it’s better.

“Cass, as always, please leave them alone,” Niall warns, watching as his cat flicks her tail at him.

Everything spins like clockwork.

Niall finishes feeding the chickens, and then chases Cassini around the yard so he can toss her back in the house while he cuts the grass. With the new gas, the mower allows him to make the yard look presentable, before he lets Cassini back out. Together, they take care of the garden, yanking out weeds and pulling vegetables that are ready to go. By the time that’s done, it’s lunchtime, and Niall is eating a sandwich on the back porch. The only variety is if Cassini is going to try and yank the meat out from between the bread slices while he’s taking a bite or if she’ll swat at him until he gives her a couple pieces.

Niall spends his afternoons playing his guitar on the back steps, getting lost in the music, until the afternoon heat catches up with him and he’s grabbing his cat and stepping inside. He grabs a book off the shelf, not even bothering to check what it is because he’s read them all a million different times.

“This is the fifth time we’ve read this one,” Niall says, tugging Cassini onto his lap. “Maybe we can talk Dad into getting us a couple new books. Something that didn’t belong to Mom first, unless you're into these Harlequin romances.”

Cassini meows and Niall nods, opening to the first page and reading it aloud to her.

He’ll read until his dad comes home and then he’ll start dinner. That’s how it goes. Niall’s days are planned from start to finish. There’s never any curve balls thrown his way. If he were to point to a clock, the old analog ones, he could tell you at any given time what it is you could find him doing. It’s planned that way; it’s just how it is. It’s how it has to be.

**

Niall would argue that is he listening. He really is. He’s aware that his mother is talking to him, he’s just not paying attention to her, which really isn’t the same thing as not listening. It’s just that… well, there is a thunderstorm taking place outside and he can’t seem to take his eyes off the sky. The way that the clouds are flickering with bursts of light, the way everything lights up when lightning strikes down, almost like the sun is back out. It’s fascinating. Not to say that what his mother is saying to him isn’t fascinating, it very well could be.

It’s just that, sometimes, Niall wishes that he could see storms like this from somewhere else. That he could watch a thunderstorm out of his window without anyone behind him saying nothing and everything all at once.

But he’s here—in the same place he’s always been, with his parents and his cat. His dad is passed out in the chair, an open book resting against his chest as he snores softly. His mom is in the other chair, chatting away about some of the other girls at work, while she stitches up his dad’s work shirt.

Niall’s older brother left ages ago. Niall doesn’t even really know where he went, just knows that he woke up one morning and Greg was gone. He was able to go and Niall wasn’t, with the age difference and whatever. It doesn’t usually bother him, the fact that he’s stuck here because his mom doesn’t think it’s safe for him to go anywhere else. Maybe she’s right. Maybe it’s best that Niall stays inside of the safe walls of his house, inside of the safe boundary set up by their crops. Maybe.

Really, Niall doesn’t even know what’s out there. He doesn’t know what lies beyond the hills. He’s never even seen pictures of the town that he lives in. Everything that he knows, he’s read in books. Maybe this is how life is. Maybe people stick to themselves and don’t venture far from their homes unless it’s to work, like his parents do. He wouldn’t know. Fiction is a beautiful genre, with the stories they tell, but maybe there’s no truth to them. Maybe they’re written from the minds of people like Niall, people who sit and stare out of their window in wonder of what’s out there. Maybe the stories he’s read are just that, stories of people wishing they could see what’s beyond the hills of their home.

Niall sighs and shifts his gaze back to his mother, staring at her intently as he continues to tune her out. It’s on the tip of his tongue, asking her if he can leave. If they can just get in the car and go, drive until they meet the ocean and then turn around and go some more. He could do it, maybe, if he really wanted to. But maybe his mother is right, maybe the world is an unsafe place and it’s best to stay where no harm can come.

**

Following the storm, the days are hot and muggy, so humid that his hair is starting to curl at the ends.

It doesn’t stop him from bringing his guitar outside and strumming a tune while Cass sits at his feet, her tail gently flicking as he sings her a song. She’s so thoroughly unimpressed with him, as he knew that she would be, but that doesn’t really bother him. It’s not going to stop him proclaiming his love to her in a song that he’s made up in the last five minutes.

“You know, you could try being a better audience,” Niall says, nudging Cassini’s back. To her great effort, all she does is roll over, exposing her stomach as she continues to snooze in the afternoon sun. Niall laughs, using his toe to rub her fur. “Worst audience in the world, I reckon.”

Niall leans his guitar against the side of the house and reaches over for his glass of water. The glass is cold to the touch and wet where the condensation is beginning to roll down the edges, leaving a puddle on the porch where it’s been sitting for the last hour. Cass has a small bowl next to him, all of the ice having melted, but Niall doesn’t want her to go thirsty while they’re outside.

There’s a slight breeze that feels like a tease, barely helping to ease the sweat that’s starting to run down the back of his neck.

“Are you going to just lie there all day?” Niall asks, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Cass looks at him and Niall bends down further to scratch at her belly.

There are a couple burrs and bits of grass in her fur, and Niall works them out gently, careful and mindful to make sure that he doesn’t hurt Cass as he helps in cleaning her long fur. He’s so lost in the process that he doesn’t register the sound of someone approaching, the sound of a car racing down the street that passes in front of his house.

For the second, for the briefest of seconds, Niall believes that it’s his dad coming home but it’s too early. It’s too soon for his dad to be anywhere near their house and Niall feels his chest drop with worry. He nearly knocks his guitar in his haste, as he swoops Cass off the ground. He clutches her to his chest, holding onto her as tightly as he can as he presses up against the side of the house, trying to make himself small and unnoticeable.

Niall shimmies down the side of the house and crouches down, in the spot that he knows no one can see him from the road. He’s perfected the art of hiding in this spot after years of scaring his dad after work. Niall’s safe in this spot. He knows that he won’t be seen as he peeks around and watches the truck race into view.

It’s kicking up dirt as it goes, almost flying down the road at whatever high speed he’s at. It’s big and bulky, bulkier than his dad’s truck. Niall’s never seen this vehicle before. He’s never seen any other vehicle before and his mouth hangs open as it cruises by.

Cass hangs limply in his arm before she kicks him in the ribs, trying to push away from him. Niall sets her down gingerly, standing up to stare at the dust left from the truck. This feels like something. It feels like the sign that he’s always waited for. It’s a truck, a truck driven by someone he doesn’t know that has found his house. Sure, they didn’t stop and they didn’t engage with him in any way, but there was someone near him. There was someone driving near his house that he didn’t know, a direct link to the outside world that he’s never had before.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s nothing. Someone needs to get from point A to point B and just so happen to take the road at the end of Niall’s driveway. It’s not a thing. It doesn’t need to be a thing. But Niall knows, he just knows. He can feel a pull in his gut, something telling him to make a move and do something. He doesn’t even know what, but it’ll come to him.

**

When Niall was younger, his mother used to tell him that he was made from the sun. That a piece of it lies within his heart and is embedded so deeply inside of him that it’s become a part of him. That Niall and the sun were one, were extensions of each other living in different parts of the galaxy. They’re both so incredibly integral to the world around them and to each other that, the only thing the sun could think to do to show Niall was to present him with a gift.

A gift that's his and his alone.

Now, Niall isn't a fool. He knows there’s no possible way the sun has ever offered him a gift. Niall knows that can’t be true. But her words have never felt wrong. Deep down, it's never felt like she’s been telling him something that might not be true, as far as his gift is concerned. Because as Niall's come to understand, there's no one in the world like him, just like there's nothing in the world like the sun.

It doesn’t work with objects, as he’s learned with his broken toys and ripped book pages. But he’s been able to help animals, like the chickens when they’re ill. Or, when they used to have a cow, when she broke her leg and couldn’t walk. Niall placed his hand on her side and thought so deeply for her to heal, for their cow to be able to walk again. Or, all the times his dad has nicked his thumb cutting vegetables for dinner. Niall was right there, offering his hand so he could fix it, so he could heal whatever was wrong.

According to his mother, the first time Niall healed anyone was when his mother had been sick with the flu. She was feeling miserable, lying in bed, unable to play with him like he wanted. But he promised, he promised that he’d make her better as he brushed her hair off her clammy forehead. No one ever thought about it then, about the warm glow of Niall’s touch when things were wrong.

It took ages for the pieces to fall into place, for things to begin to make sense in ways that didn’t actually make sense at all.

Niall has an ability, a gift, to heal. It took his family years to understand that he was fixing them; he was making them better with just the touch his hands. And with this information came the daunting reality that they had no information at all to help them understand, to explain why Niall was capable of something like this. But they knew what people would think of him, how they’d try to take advantage of his gift, so they kept him inside. They moved away from the city into the countryside where no one used the old dirt road that went along the front of their house.

Niall has always understood that everything his family has done is in his own best interests. But it’s hard sometimes, living tucked away from everyone else. Niall’s heard his parents whispering late at night, talking about what going into the outside world could mean for Niall. He gets it. He understands, but that doesn’t mean he’s always okay with it.

Actually, he hates it.

Niall hates being stuck in one place with no one to talk to but a cat that can’t talk back. Niall hates that he’s never had a choice. He hates that everything he’s ever come to know has been told to him through words out of his parents mouth or words written on pages by strangers. He hates that there’s nothing he’s gained on his own without the ability to hear and read.

There’s nothing Niall wants more in the world than to be able to explore, to actually enjoy the world that he lives in. But… he can’t. It’s just not in the cards for him. It never has been. But… Niall has always said that when there’s a sign, when the universe tells him that it’s time, that he’s ready to go out there, he’d take it. He’d listen, but until then, until he sees that sign, he’s going to stay right where he is.

All he needs is a sign.

**

Niall spends the next week locked in his bedroom. Cass is less than thrilled about having to spend so much time indoors, with the heat wave pulling back and giving them some decent weather, but Niall is on a mission.

He spends the week on the laptop he knows is locked in his parents room. He found it years ago, and while he doesn’t really understand how to work it, he figures it out soon enough and spends his days researching where he is and where he can go. Places that he can live and stuff like that, resources that he’ll need in order to make it. Make it where, he’s not sure yet, but he’s looking.

There’s a thing called Google that helps him out, answering his questions lightning quick and with such accuracy that he’s almost amazed. It’s technology, of course it can do so much, Niall’s not an idiot to think otherwise. But when Google asks for his location and tells him exactly where his house is - a tiny little dot surrounded by green - with the satellite view, Niall wastes an entire day using the feature that lets him drive down the road in front of his house. It takes him into towns with blurred out faces standing on the side of the street. Niall’s so entranced by it that he almost misses the sounds of his dad getting home. Almost.

But Niall does manage to find a place to stay. There’s an ad out from a boy named Harry, who is looking for a roommate. Niall makes an account and sends Harry a message. He’s honest about how he doesn’t have much money, not really any actually, but he’s looking into finding a job and he just needs a place for a little while anyway. Niall doesn’t know how long he can stay gone but he wants to try. There was a sign. He has to.

Harry agrees to meet him to talk about it. He gives Niall a date and time, asks if it’s okay, and Niall stares at the screen for an hour, wondering if it really is okay.

It’s all happening too quickly.

Niall saw a truck drive in front of his house and that’s it. This is it. He’s mapping out a way to get to a town called Silver Lake, population 3,000. It’s not far from Niall’s house, but it feels like worlds away when Niall stares at the blue line connecting the red dot of his house and the red dot of Silver Lake.

Maybe Niall’s not thinking appropriately. Maybe he’s not thinking at all. No, he’s really not. If he were, Niall would sit down and explain to his parents that it’s time. It’s time he’s allowed out into the world to make a life for himself. It’s time he’s allowed to take charge of his own life. That’s what he should do. It is. He should explain to them that he loves them and he understands he’s different, that not everyone has the ability to heal others in the way that he does. He understands he has to be careful in order to not be exploited. He gets that. But he also knows his mom will get that look in her eyes, the one that’ll shred his heart into confetti, and she’ll try to talk him out of this. Out of leaving her and venturing into the unknown.

But he has to try because the worst-case scenario is that Harry doesn’t want him to move in and then he’s alone and has to head back home. That’s it. He’s not losing anything by trying, so with a deep breath and heavy feeling in his gut, Niall replies and says that he’ll be there.

**

The night before he’s set to meet Harry, Niall goes to sleep early. He feigns a stomach ache and hopes that he comes off as believable. As great as it is to heal other people, Niall’s never been able to take care of his own aches and pains in the same instantaneous way.

“You sure you’re okay?” His mom asks, as he wraps his arms around her neck, breathing in the smell of her hair.

“Yeah, I’m good,” he replies, holding onto her for just a second longer. “Just want to have a lie down.”

“Taking Cass?” His dad asks, smirking as he nods towards the other side of the room. Niall follows the movement to see Cass waiting for him at the doorway, her bushy tail flicking as she waits.

When she spots Niall looking at her, she pushes up, rubbing her cheek against the doorframe. Niall smiles at her, and then says good night once more before he scoops Cass up off the floor and heads to his room.

There’s nothing to do in his room – his bag was packed hours ago, shoved underneath his bed with his blankets carefully draped over the side to hide it from view – so Niall slides underneath the blankets and tugs Cassini up to cuddle against her. She protests slightly, pushing a paw against his forehead to keep him away but doesn’t fight it. Niall wonders if she knows, if she can tell that his heart is starting to race in anticipation as they wait, and that’s why she’s letting him work his fingers through the knots beginning to form along her neck where she likes to rub her face against things.

After a while, Niall starts to hear the floor creaking as his parents move throughout the house, and his stomach drops in nervous anticipation. His foot is shaking wildly under the blanket, like it has a mind of its own, attracting Cass’s attention. He can’t lie in bed any longer, he needs to do something with the time he has left besides lie here and hope the nervous energy swirling around in his stomach keeps him from falling asleep.

Niall writes a short letter to his parents. He promises to call, to write, to come back. He lets them know where he’s going and what’s he doing, but asks that they respect his choices and leave him to make this decision for himself. He writes about the signs, about the truck appearing in front of their house, and the inevitable truth that he can’t live his life in one place because they’re scared for him.

It helps, to write the letter. Niall starts to feel like he might be convincing himself that it’s okay to leave more than anything. No matter what he writes, his parents are going to worry, might even track him down and drag him back home, but it’s enough to give him the push he needs to shove his shoes into his feet and toss his bag over his shoulder.

Niall stares longingly at his books before he leaves, wishing that he could take them with him, but he’s not strong enough to carry a stack of books for miles until he finds the city.

It’s even harder to look at Cass after he drops the letter for his parents on the counter. Niall’s chest feels like it could collapse into his knees, a heavy pressure weighing him down as his throat tightens.

“Fuck,” he whispers, rubbing harshly at his cheeks, trying to stop himself from crying as he lifts Cassini off the floor, pressing his face into her side and breathing in the scent of dirt mixed in with his cat’s fur.

Above everything else, Niall knows that this is what’s kept him here. Leaving Cass feels like leaving himself behind. He doesn’t know how to be without her. He knows she’s a cat and he’s read countless studies that argue how she might feel for him, but he _knows_. Niall knows that Cassini cares as much for him as he cares for her, in her own cat way that includes pretending like he bores her and he’s beneath her. But without question, she’s his favorite being in the universe. All of the stars in the universe don’t compare to Cassini, and Niall’s breathing stutters as he kisses the soft fur behind her ear, before he sets her back down on the floor.

Cassini doesn’t let him leave. She trails after him, weaving between his legs and rushing outside before he can stop her. She wanders off a distance, too far for Niall to be able to see her in the dark. He moves around blindly and then feels her brush against his legs.

“You have to go back inside,” Niall tells her, keeping his voice low, as he kneels down to grab her. Cass jumps out of reach and rushes off even further, making Niall chase her. “Cass, come on.”

The ground shifts beneath his feet as he steps off his grass lawn and onto the gravel road. Cass approaches him and sits down, her tail flicking as she stares up at him. Niall’s eyes are still adjusting to the dark but Niall can faintly make her out.

“You know we have to walk a long way, right?” He asks, reaching out blindly to pet her. “I’m not carrying you the whole way, you’re going to have to actually pull your weight around here.”

Cass head butts his hand like she understands and that’s it. This whole thing started with a sign, so Niall knows one when he sees one… or, well, when he feels one. So this is it, Niall adjusts his bag on his shoulders and then scoops Cassini up in his arms and starts his journey.

**

There’s a wooden sign centered between two trees and bushes with pink flowers that welcomes Niall to Silver Lake. The roads are made of concrete and sidewalks made of brick, not the gravel that Niall is used to. There are trees in perfect rows in front of shops, creating a barrier from the cars parked diagonally along the road. People move quickly, paying Niall no more than a second glance when they see the cat trailing behind him. Cass made most of the journey to Silver Lake on foot, before she started to trip Niall up until he found a way to carry her in his bag. He keeps a portion unzipped so she could breathe and stick her head out. Silver Lake, population 3,000, but Niall’s the only one walking around with a cat out in the open.

Niall continues to move about the town, paying attention to street names supplied on little metal plaques at every corner. It gives him the chance to become familiar with everything, to know that the big brick church is across the street from a park, and the ice cream shop is next to a pet store that has a dog statue outside with a sunflower behind his ear. There’s a woman named Lola that drives a blue truck with a son named Aaron, who loves cats and whose family owns the pharmacy on Hawthorne.

“Cass, we might have to put you in the bag,” Niall mumbles, as the sidewalks begin to get a bit busier. Niall scoops her up and tightens his arms around her as she pushes back against his chest, wanting to be set down.

Niall’s too busy trying to get Cass against this chest to notice that he’s about to walk into someone until he collides with them, feeling the tenderness in his arm from where the stranger collided into him.

“Fucking shit,” the stranger curses. “Why don’t you pay attention?”

“Sorry,” Niall mutters, squeezing Cassini to his chest as he takes in the stranger. He seems like he’s about Niall’s age, brown hair sweeping across his forehead with a fiery expression behind his blue eyes. He’s got a cluster of tattoos on his arms that don’t make a lick of sense or seem like they fit into any sort of theme. “I didn’t see you,” Niall adds, offering him a smile.

“Yeah, I can tell,” the stranger spits out, running his fingers through his hair roughly.

Niall takes a step back from him and looks off down the street, wondering if he should walk away quickly or stick around to pacify the stranger before he rushes off and is rude to someone he shouldn’t be.

“Are you hurt?” Niall asks, wondering if maybe he should reach out and fix him. It’s not best to touch strangers but Niall can fix it, if he hurt him. He can make it better.

“He’s fine,” someone else says, stepping in and pressing a hand to the other’s elbow. “You’re fine, chill out,” he says.

Niall watches as the angry stranger relaxes, his shoulders dropping down as he sighs and nods. Niall thinks they must be friends, judging by the way they’re familiar with one another. This one is covered in tattoos too, but his seem to make sense, like there’s a theme to them, or maybe they’re random too but he’s worked together ways to make them look like they belong together. Niall’s not sure. He really doesn’t know anything about tattoos or body art, but this stranger seems like he has a knack for it, with his ears pierced in multiple places and a stud in his nose. He has soft black hair and hazel eyes that stare at Niall in a calculating way.

“I didn’t mean to bump into you,” Niall says. “I was trying to get my cat to calm down. Wasn’t really paying attention.”

“It’s fine,” stranger number two says. “He’s having a bad day and is being a shit for no reason, right?”

“Yeah, right,” stranger number one sighs. “Sorry.”

Niall shrugs, adjusting Cassini in his arms as she finally accepts defeat and goes still in his arms. “Okay, well, sorry again,” Niall says. “I’m not used to, um–”

“Walking?”

Stranger number two elbows number one in the ribs. Niall smiles and finishes with, “so many people around. Anyway, I’m supposed to meet someone in like, five minutes so… nice bumping into you.”

“Oh, he’s got jokes,” stranger number one says, as the other rolls his eyes. Niall takes that as his cue and rushes off, this time being mindful of the people around him so he doesn’t knock into anyone else.

It takes ten minutes to figure out where Harry’s home is. It sits on the corner, a brownstone building with four different levels. There are shrubs lining up on the front, overgrown and unkempt, along with a rod iron gate separating the street from the front entrance. It’s already open, so Niall slips inside, staring at the open hole where a lock used to be on the gate. Niall knocks on the door. It’s glass, so Niall can see inside into a ceramic tiled room with two doors on each opposing side. There’s no one inside, so Niall tries the handle to find it locked.

“How are we supposed to get in?” Niall glances around, looking for some kind of trick. “Oh, this Harry,” Niall notes, spotting a hot pink strip of paper taped to a black metal box with other bits of paper and white buttons. “Should we press it?”

Niall hits the button once and waits, listening for a sound inside of the lobby. He doesn’t hear anything so he hits it again and again, waiting to hear something.

“Um, can you stop hitting the button?” A deep voice asks, causing Niall to jump as he looks around.

There’s no one else on the sidewalk and he doesn’t know where the source of the voice is coming from so he frowns and says, “Sure, okay. Um, where are you?”

“In my apartment,” the voice says. “Can I help you?”

“Oh, yeah. I need to get inside. I’m supposed to be meeting Harry.”

“Niall?” The voice asks, brightening up considerably. “Why didn’t you say that first. I’ll hit the buzzer and you can come up. Or I can come down. Then, we could get coffee or something. I have coffee here though. Okay, cool, why don’t you just come on up,” Harry says, followed by the sound of a loud buzzer.

Niall nods, listening to the noise. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Pull the door open,” Harry instructs.

Niall follows his directions and before he lets the door shut all the way he asks, “Which door is yours?”

“Up the stairs, on the left,” Harry says and Niall nods, letting the door slam shut.

Harry’s waiting for him when he reaches the second floor, the door propped open to reveal a tall boy with long hair. There’s a smile on his face and a baby pink shirt draped across his slim frame.

“You have a cat,” Harry says, already reaching out to pet Cassini. “You didn’t say you had a cat.”

“Is that bad?”

“It’s not bad,” Harry says, grinning as he waves Niall inside. “Come on in. I started a pot of coffee and it’ll be ready soon, but I can show you around and we can talk. Oh, I’m Harry, by the way. Is that obvious? Probably obvious.”

“Niall and this is Cass. Cassini is her full name, but she won’t respond to either if she doesn't feel like it. She’s good, though,” Niall promises. “She’s friendly and I’ve never had a problem with her before, but she’s just bossy sometimes.”

Harry assures him that he loves cats. He talks about how his mom has a few of them, along with his sister, so they’ll be thrilled to hear he’s living with a cat, even if it’s not his own. He walks Niall through the apartment, starting with the kitchen and the living room that are right there, separated by a small wooden table with three chairs. The living room is small but comfortable, with soft area rug set beneath a wooden table covered in fashion magazines and candles. The couch is plush and velvet. Cass jumps out of Niall’s arms onto the couch and onto the table, where she promptly shoves a candle off. Niall’s horrified while Harry laughs about it, waving it off, as he points towards the balcony.

The apartment is divided in half by the living area. On one side is Harry’s bedroom, with a walk-in closet and private bathroom. It smells like cinnamon and Niall doesn’t really know why, except for maybe all of the candles that Harry has scattered around his room and bathroom, unlit and taking up more room than Niall thinks candles should.

On the other side of the apartment, is a bathroom that Harry informs Niall would be his, along with anyone who visits that’s too lazy to use Harry’s. Niall’s bedroom is smaller than Harry’s, but Niall doesn’t care about that. He cares that there’s already all the furniture that he’ll need there, a bed covered in navy blankets and a wooden dresser and end tables. It’s minimal and Harry assures him that he could get rid of it somehow, if Niall doesn’t want it.

“I didn’t like having an empty room, but my mom was getting a new bedroom set, so she gave this to me when she did. We could always donate it,” Harry tells him, shrugging like it doesn’t matter to him either way.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t really have anything,” Niall informs him, feeling embarrassed as Harry looks at him. “Just, um, my cat and this bag.” Niall motions towards his bag and smiles, looking around the room to avoid eye contact with Harry. “It’s a nice room, I like it.”

Harry nods and motions for Niall to follow him. “Come on, let’s go get some coffee.”

They have coffee and talk. Niall keeps things vague to avoid telling Harry anything too close to the truth, like how he couldn’t leave and he had to sneak away in the middle of the night. Niall can’t explain why, so he avoids saying anything altogether. He listens to Harry talk about his job, about what he likes to do in his spare time, and watches as Cass struggles to knock over Harry’s houseplant shoved in the corner next to the TV.

Niall likes Harry. He makes jokes that Niall doesn’t really understand but he laughs anyway. He’s nice and listens to everything Niall says, even if he pauses often to glance at his phone as it consistently vibrates in his pocket. Niall learns a lot about him and thinks he seems trustworthy. Niall doesn’t have any other options but Harry or home, and he can’t make it back home after not having slept, so he _needs_ this to work.

“I don’t have a job,” Niall says, interrupting Harry as he talks about what kinds of teas he likes to drink.

“What?” Harry asks, frowning in confusion.

“I don’t have a job, yet. Or money. You should know that,” Niall informs him. “I’ve read about rent, so I know you’ll want to split it. And I know we’ll need money to pay for things, which I don’t have yet. I’m going to get money.” He pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket where he wrote down businesses that sound like they might have interesting jobs. “I’m going to contact a few of these places about jobs, so I have a plan.”

“Oh, well, I figured you didn’t have a job yet since you’re moving here from far away. That doesn’t surprise me,” Harry says slowly and carefully, like he’s trying to consider his words. “I didn’t realize you were coming without any money.”

Niall heaves in a deep breath, feeling his shoulders drop. “Well, there weren’t many opportunities for getting money. I’ve kind of, uh, never been away from home. I can go back, if the money thing is a problem,” Niall explains, trying to debate just how close to the truth he wants to get. “I can go back; it won’t be a problem. I just… don’t. Yeah.”

“That’s not ideal, obviously, but I don’t know how it would work without money.”

Niall nods. “Yeah, I totally get that. Don’t worry about it,” he says, plastering a smile on his face. “Would it be cool if I used your bathroom before I left? I haven’t, uh, used one since last night.”

Harry blinks and then frowns. “Wait, what do you mean?”

“Well, it’s a slight lie. I stopped a couple times, but I haven’t gone since I’ve been in town and I’d really like to–”

“What does that mean you stopped? I thought you lived nearby?”

“Relatively near, but I walked so it took a while.”

“You walked?” Harry cries, eyes going wide in shock.

Niall swallows and looks around, realizing that he shouldn’t have said that part. Harry’s face takes on a weird expression, like he’s trying to process that and understand what it means. Niall’s ability to converse with people has been shaped solely around his family and his cat, so the clear confusion on Harry’s face is making Niall uncomfortable. He’s already glancing around the room and trying to find the quickest escape route, which involves grabbing Cass, who has flicked dirt out of the plant out onto Harry’s floor, and then rushing past Harry to the exit.

“Okay, so here’s the thing, I don’t actually need a roommate to help cover the cost of anything. It’d be nice and it’d lighten to load a bit, but most of the utilities are covered in the rent, so bills aren’t that much of a problem. I can manage for a couple of months while you save up some money,” Harry explains, frowning as he stares off into the distance. It’s almost like he’s talking to someone else as he tries to piece his plan together. “My mom probably has some stuff that we can get for your cat. And my job is hiring, so I can help you with that, too.”

“Oh, I have options,” Niall says, waving his paper around once more.

“No, seriously, the pay is pretty good,” Harry assures him. “And with my help, you’ll be hired instantly. And like I said, once you get a paycheck then we can start talking about rent and everything.”

Niall nods slowly and picks at the hem of his shorts. “A minute ago you were saying no. I don’t really want to be a burden. Is that what this is? I’m not sure.”

Harry sighs and shrugs, like he doesn’t know what to say. “I don’t like living alone. I’ve had four people in here already to look at the room, and they’re weird. I got an odd feeling about it. About living with them. I don’t get that with you,” Harry explains, getting up, causing his chair to skid across the floor. “Listen, you clearly need a place to live and I think this would be great, so it’s up to you.”

**

For the first time in Niall’s life, there’s light and noise outside of his bedroom window when he crawls into bed at night. There’s people moving about outside, street lights that create an orange glow in his room unless he shuts the curtains and blinds, which Harry recommended doing. There’s a fan in the corner that rotates around the room to help drown out some of the noise from outside. It doesn’t work, not even a little bit, but Niall leaves it on and watches as Cassini’s tail fur blows around each time it comes around.

Harry is in the other room, watching a movie on TV and laughing loudly. Niall can hear him clearly, as if he’s sitting right next to him. And it’s the single greatest thing in his life.

Together, they went to Harry’s mom’s house to get Cassini a bunch of stuff, like a bed, a litter box, toys, and food bowls. There was even a spare cat tree that she was getting ready to throw away. Harry put it on the other side of the TV, in hopes that Cass would stop trying to destroy his plant.

Niall doesn’t have enough stuff to fill up his closet or his dresser, but it doesn’t matter. Niall has a place that doesn’t belong to his parents. A place that’s surrounded by people and noise in ways that he’s never experienced before.

There’s not a chance in hell anyone actually gets a decent amount of sleep in a place like this, with all the stimuli, but Cass is curled up against his side, keeping him warm, and he’s worn out from walking so much that sleep finds him easily.

**

Harry works at a place he calls a bookstore slash coffee shop slash bakery. He explains that it’s not a chain, but more like two separate stores merged into one and separated by an archway. It’s owned by a couple in town that spends most of the year in foreign countries, leaving the business to be run by everyone else. But it’s fine. Harry assures him that there are never any problems among the managers and staff; everyone gets along and it’s a great place to work.

“Autumn’s Attic?” Niall asks, frowning as he reads the golden letters painted on the front of the building. “I don’t understand.”

“That’s the name. It used to be a clothing store, and I guess the owners bought the name too. I don’t know. It works. It has that whole, name advantage or whatever. You know, when everyone knows the name and they’re like dang, that place is great, so they show up a lot. I guess they were hoping that reputation would carry over.”

“A closed business reputation?”

Harry winks and then shrugs. “Okay, so remember, we’re desperate for help and you’re going to get the job without a doubt. So don’t be nervous, okay?” When Niall nods, Harry shoves open the front door and shouts, “Pamela, how much do you love me?”

“That depends, what’d you do this time?” an older woman asks, stepping out from behind the counter to look at Harry.

She’s older than them, with salt and pepper hair and blushed cheeks. She’s got smile lines and her head rests on Harry’s chest when he pulls her in for a hug.

“I’ve brought you your new favorite employee,” Harry says, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her towards Niall. “He’s in need of a job, we have jobs, and he’s cute. Isn’t he cute?”

Niall blushes as he waves hello, holding his hand out to introduce himself to her. Her hands are warm and she smells like cookies, almost exactly like the candles that Harry has littering their apartment.

“Was this one too much of a pain when he told you about the job?” She asks, nudging Harry off her with his elbow.

“He wasn’t at all,” Niall tells her. “We’re actually living together.”

“Yeah, Niall wants to spend even more time with me. Isn’t he lucky?”

“Shouldn’t you be clocking in?” Pamela asks, raising an eyebrow at Harry. “I can handle this. You can get to work.”

Harry holds his hands up and walks away. He makes weird motions with his hands and mouths something that Niall doesn’t understand and can’t decipher, no matter how hard Harry tries. Pamela rolls her eyes at Harry before she turns to Niall with a smile, asking him to follow her.

Harry wasn’t clear about what Niall’s job would be exactly, but Pamela informs him that he’ll be working on the bookstore side of things. No interview, nothing, just moves him through the store and shows him where everything is and what the job entails before asking him if he thinks he can handle it.

“I’ll get to work with the books?” Niall asks, running his fingers along the spine of a travel book for Greece. Apparently it’s the section of the store that gets the least amount of business, but there’s comfy chairs shoved in the corner that Pamela stops at for a moment, taking a seat and having Niall sit across from her.

The excitement of leaving home and finding a place to stay is nothing compared to finding out that he’ll be working with books. He can make recommendations to people unsure of what they’re looking for, and he gets access to books before anyone else. Niall can read whatever he wants, whenever he wants, as long as everything is going slow and he doesn’t have to do anything else in that moment. It sounds like a dream. There’s nothing that Niall loves more than sitting down with his books, to spend hours learning new information or living in another world created by someone else.

While they sit, Pamela gives him more information about how their business operates. She tells him everything that he needs to know, some of it stuff that Harry’s already covered, but it’s still nice to hear from someone else. Harry’s stories and explanations tend to ramble for longer than Niall can stand to stick around and try to understand. Pamela also introduces him to a girl named Morgan, who also works in the bookstore and will be around to help Niall as he starts to figure everything out.

“We’re not going to overwhelm you, so why don’t you just hang out for a bit and we’ll get you started another day. I’ll get your name tag made up for you and everything,” Pamela promises, winking at him as she pushes herself out of her seat. “Feel free to stick around and check out those books I saw you drooling over.”

Niall blushes and nods, waiting until she disappears before he jumps up and starts browsing through the aisles. Harry finds him a little while later, hunched over a book back in the traveling section. He drops off a muffin and a cup of coffee.

“When I get off, we’ll go and make you a copy of my key,” Harry says. “But do you like it? Does it seem like you’ll enjoy it?”

“It’s great,” Niall says, glancing up quickly to smile at Harry before glancing back down at the book.

Harry brushes Niall’s hair before he heads back to work, leaving Niall to his reading.

**

Working at the bookstore is easy. Niall loves it. He loves everything about it. He especially loves restocking shelves, which gives him a sneak peek at new releases. Even more, he loves being able to talk to the customers about the books they’ve read lately and what they’ve thought, and what he’s thought about their purchases. He’s determined to read every book in the store, in order to give opinions based on more than just what he’s read or heard from someone else.

Aside from the books, everyone is super great. It’s just like Harry said. They’re all friendly and nice to him. No one causes any problems, and Harry assures him that’s the best thing about working there. Harry has stories that last for hours about his previous job’s drama, and the stuff his friends have to deal with at their jobs. They’re lucky, according to Harry. And Niall believes it.

The only downside is that Pamela keeps spelling his name wrong on his nametag, so the customers are always calling him names that aren’t his.

Niall’s been working long enough that he’s starting to feel like he’s developed a pattern. He has a stack of books under the counter that he wants to buy. And with his first paycheck, Harry refuses to take any money from him and instead makes him save it.

According to his research, this isn’t normal behavior. No one tells their roommate not to give them money. It’s not unheard of, but it usually ends in fights and people making ridiculous posts on the Internet to complain about how their roommates never give them any money. Niall types in very specific searches to ensure that Harry isn’t one of those people.

But there’s nothing to hint at Harry being tired of him. Harry’s done nothing but support him in everything. He’s a good friend. A great friend. Granted, he’s Niall’s first and only friend, so Niall doesn’t have much to compare Harry to, but… still. Harry’s the best, Niall’s positive about that much.

**

Living with Harry, Niall’s days vary very little. It’s not the same mundane routine that he had had home, but there’s still not much for him to do. He wakes up in the morning, spends some time in his apartment with the balcony doors open so Cassini can get some sun. If he works, he’ll spend his day there before coming home and hanging around the apartment. Sometimes he’ll take Cassini for walks to the park when he doesn’t work, so they can both get out of the house. Mostly though, he spends his time at home reading the books he’s bought at work.

It’s not an exception tonight. Niall’s curled up on the couch, trying to read as Harry rushes around the apartment getting ready.

Harry always goes out. He spends more time out of the apartment than he does in it. Niall doesn’t understand why Harry wants to spend so much time out, especially on the nights before he has to work the opening shift at work. But here he is, running around and mumbling to himself.

“What are you doing tonight?” Harry shouts from inside his bedroom, followed by a loud bang and a muttered curse.

“This,” Niall answers, ignoring the loud noise. He’s learned quickly that Harry is clumsy and runs into everything, so it’s best to save his energy.

Harry comes rushing out of his room, working the buttons on his shirt. “Do you want to come along with me?”

“Um, tonight?”

Harry shrugs. “No, next week. Yes, tonight,” Harry laughs, rolling his eyes. “My friends want to meet you. They probably think I’m making you up or something, the boy who walks everywhere with his cat. Come on, it’ll be so much fun.”

“Okay,” Niall says easily enough. He shoves a bookmark into his book and then sets it down on the table, all while Harry stares at him with wide eyes. “What?”

“Seriously, you’re going to come?”

“Am I not supposed to?”

“No, you’re supposed to. I just thought it’d take more to convince you, like at least another week.”

“Oh,” Niall mutters, unsure of what to say to that. “I’ll just change clothes. Can you feed Cass while I get ready?”

“You mean my plant’s not enough for her?” Harry grumbles, pointing towards the one in the corner that Cass tends to nibble on when she’s particularly annoyed with Harry. Staring at him as she does it so he knows it’s because of him that she’s doing it.

It’s a nice night out, so they decide to walk. Harry gives him a run down of each of his friends that are going to be there. About Liam, and how he works odd jobs around the city and works out more than anyone should, in Harry’s opinion. Liam’s a gym rat, whatever that means. And then there’s Louis, who can come off a bit harsh at first, but is super funny and works at an after school program with kids. Then there’s Zayn. Harry says that he doesn’t understand why Zayn sticks around with them, since he’s much too cool and tends to orbit around different social circles. Like Phoebe on Friends, Harry says, she belongs to the other friends, but she doesn’t _only_ spend time with them. But he’s actually nothing like Phoebe in personality. Again, whatever that means. Niall doesn’t question it. He just listens. Harry explains things in his own Harry way.

Harry tells him about a few other people, but only those three are confirmed to be going. It’s trivia night, Harry explains. An event they try to make happen weekly as long as enough people are free to go. It’s basically an excuse to drink beer and argue over who knows more than everyone else, Harry explains.

“Everyone is going to love you, okay?” Harry tells him. “If it starts to feel like too much, just, like, cough and then tap your nose three times. That’ll be our signal, okay? Our ‘let’s get out of here’ code.”

“How often do you need a code when you go out?”

“Niall, you should always have codes,” Harry says, looping his arm through Niall’s so he can tug him inside.

No one pays Harry any mind as he pushes his way through the front door. They smile at him and nod, and all the attention makes Niall feel like he’s on display.

Harry leads Niall to a table in the middle, a big circle one where three people are already sitting.

“Harry,” one of them cries when they spot them. “You brought a friend,” she says, jumping up out of her seat to give Harry a hug. She smiles widely at Niall and then pulls him in for one as well. “I’m Eleanor.”

“Niall,” he supplies, offering her a grin when she pulls away. “I live with Harry.”

“Oh, you’re the one,” she says.

“Niall, this is Louis and Liam,” Harry says, pointing at the two still sitting at the table.

Red shirt for Louis, white shirt for Liam, Niall notes, trying to memorize that information so he doesn’t forget. It won’t be hard to forget who Louis is at least, Niall thinks, remembering him as the boy in the street that yelled at him that day. Louis doesn’t seem to remember him though, as he offers his own greeting.

“Hey, are you going to help us out tonight?” Liam asks, leaning forward so Niall can hear him better. “There’s four different categories. None of us are particularly great at any of them, so no worries if they’re not your specialty.”

“Liam here knows absolutely nothing,” Louis says with a grin. “Tell him where Japan is, Liam. Go ahead. What country is it near?”

Liam rolls his eyes and takes a drink. “Geography isn’t my strong suit.”

“Well, it doesn’t look like there’s any geography tonight,” Niall says, nodding towards the sheet in front of Liam. “Does that say the categories?”

“Oh, yeah. You write them down along with your answer, so when you win, they can confirm everything.”

“I don’t understand why, since they make us run up there anyway,” Louis complains, wrapping his arm the back of Eleanor’s chair. Niall remembers Harry mentioning her as Louis’ girlfriend or friend, he can’t remember. “Whatever you do, Niall, don’t let Harry run our answers up. He gets distracted and causes a scene.”

Niall nods. “Noted.”

“I usually run the answers up,” Liam tells him. “If Harry is sure about an answer, he’ll take the paper and try to run up there before we can tell him it’s wrong.”

“That’s how we lost last week,” Eleanor chimes in. “It’s why Nick is playing at that table,” she points across the room and Niall looks, even though he doesn’t know what he’s looking for, “instead of with us.”

“So, it’s just us?” Niall asks.

“Zayn’s still coming,” Harry says, sliding back in next to Niall. “I got you a water.”

“Zayn’s always late, though,” Eleanor explains. “We started out telling him that it started a half hour before it did, in hopes he’d show up on time, but he was still late.”

“Zayn struggles with time,” Liam adds, shrugging.

Trivia starts with a woman slowly counting down the time from fifteen minutes, to ten, to five, and then shouting that everyone better have their group names in if they plan on participating. Harry explains that their group name is Dead Horse because you can’t beat a dead horse, though they’re beat quite often, so they’re thinking about changing it but no one can agree on anything. Dead Horse is one they stole from someone else, after Louis got into a shouting match with some guy once and then, the next week, Louis stole his name and the rest is history. The questions are asked and they’re given time to turn in their answers, with points given for being right and for being first, so they need to hurry.

“What organ is enclosed within the pericardium sac?”

“Sac,” Harry mutters. “Oh, oh, the testi—“

“Do not finish that,” Louis says, pointing a finger at him.

“It’s the heart,” Niall says quietly, watching as the tables around them deliberate their answers.

“I don’t think that’s right. Your hearts not in a sac,” Liam mutters. “Harry might be right.”

“I refuse to let him be right,” Louis says.

“It’s the heart,” Niall repeats, reaching out for Liam’s pen. “I’m being serious. Pericardium, it literally means around the heart. Peri meaning about or around, kardia meaning heart. Or, more simply, since you’re all looking at me pretty strangely, it looks close enough to cardiac that the heart is a safe bet. I mean, I know I’m right, but that’s the answer.”

Liam nods and then hands Niall his pen as he runs up to get their answer in.

“What if you’re wrong?” Louis asks.

“I’m not,” Niall says, shrugging when Louis looks at him.

Niall’s right. Harry screams when the woman says heart and dives on top of Niall, nearly knocking over his water.

They make it through the second round before someone else comes to join them. It’s the boy from the street that day too, stranger number two, and he still looks as effortlessly cool as he did that day.

“It’s the bladder,” he says, before Niall can.

No one questions him; instead, Liam takes off running to turn their answer in while Louis writes it down.

“Is Louis treating you better?”

“Oh,” Niall laughs and then nods. “Yeah, he’s fine. I don’t think he remembers.”

“Go figure,” he says, with an eye roll. “I’m Zayn, by the way.”

“Yeah, they said Zayn was coming late, so I figured,” Niall says. “I’m Niall.”

“Harry’s roommate, yeah. He’s mentioned you a few times. You work with him, too, don’t you?”

“Oh, yeah, in the bookstore.”

“Do you like it?”

“I love it,” Niall says, sitting up. He flinches slightly when Louis and Liam scream when it’s announced that they got the question right. “It’s nice to make money in a setting that I enjoy. Sometimes old ladies get angry with me because the book they want is out of stock, or because we don’t carry what they want. But it’s fine. Ms. Feldman brings me lunch sometimes. Harry thinks she has a crush on me, but she’s in her eighties and we like to talk about books.”

“Kind of like a book club, of sorts,” Zayn says with a smile. “I like it. It’s the thymus,” he says, directing the last part to everyone else. “Go, tell them.”

Niall grins as Liam does what he’s told. Zayn must be the only reason their team has wins, judging by how the night has gone. Liam and Louis don’t really seem to care that they’re bad. Louis shouts insults and flips people off when they make comments, while Liam seems like he just wants to have a good time. Harry takes it the hardest, groaning loudly every time a question is answered wrong, even though his answers have been fairly terrible. Niall suspects it’s the alcohol, since Harry’s cheeks are flushed red and his glass is constantly full.

“We’re down to the final category,” Liam announces. “It’s about space. Who remembers that rhyming thing that tells us the order of the planets?”

“They’re not going to ask about that,” Zayn says. “But let’s leave the space geography to the rest of us, yeah?”

Louis laughs while Liam rolls his eyes. “Ha, now we’ve got Zayn on my side. Tell him his head is huge too. It looks ridiculous in that shirt.”

“I like that shirt,” Eleanor supplies. “I bought that shirt.”

“When did we buy Liam clothes?”

“We didn’t,” she says, grinning.

“I stole it from you,” Liam laughs.

“Oh, fuck off,” Louis mutters, shoving Liam away with one hand.

“It’s something about my mother,” Harry says, a beat late. “That rhyme thing. It’s something about my mother making us pies or pizzas, or something. And Earth is third.”

“If everyone is ready, we’re going to begin the final round of our weekly trivia night,” the woman announces. She goes through the first five places, along with the points, so everyone knows where they’re at unless they’re doing awfully. Their team is in fifth, which seems about standard for them.

“If we get these right, we should be able to score free drinks,” Louis notes.

“Then keep your mouth shut this round,” Harry says.

“Shut up, it’s about to begin,” Eleanor scolds, waving both boys off before they can begin.

“Is it always this serious?” Niall asks, leaning in closer to Zayn so they don’t disturb anyone else.

Zayn shrugs. “Not really. Harry gets a bit bent out of shape if we don’t win, which we never do, but that’s only because he’s a competitive little shit. Everyone just likes the excuse to be dicks to each other, you know? It’s all in good fun, don’t worry.”

“Maybe I should worry, since I live with Harry.”

Zayn laughs and reaches out for a drink, taking the first one he finds that’s still full. “Don’t worry, if he gets too out of control, I’ll talk to him,” Zayn promises. “I’m good at calming him down after a loss.”

“It’s Venus,” Eleanor shouts. Her smile looks like it could burst right off her face as she says it. “It’s Venus. Oh my god.” She takes off running to the announcer, nearly skidding into another table as she goes.

When the announcer states that their group got the correct answer in first, everyone cheers. Harry jumps on Eleanor before anyone else can, wrapping his arms around her and shaking her in his excitement.

They get the next question wrong because Liam couldn’t remember how many zeros they told him, for the size difference between the sun and the Earth. It ends Liam’s career as runner for the night, with it being so close to the end and everyone wanting to improve their score.

“Surface temperature?” Niall repeats, squinting at the ceiling as he tries to pull that information from memory. “5,778 Kelvin. Do they want Kelvin? I think it’s like, 10,000 something Fahrenheit and 5,000 something Celsius? It’s surface temperature, right? It’s like, almost thirty million Fahrenheit, almost twenty million Celsius at the core, but they said surface, so.”

“He’s right. 5,778 Kelvin,” Zayn supplies, nodding at Louis before he takes off running. “Most people don’t know that off the top of their head.”

Niall shrugs and doesn’t know what to say about that. They get the answer right and Harry spills beer on him when he hugs him. Niall laughs and elbows him off him.

They end up winning third place. It’s the highest place they’ve ever gotten in any of their games before. They get a free round of drinks that Niall passes on because he’s pretty sure Harry is nearing the line of drunk enough for both of them. The rest of them are insufferable about getting third, much to Niall, Zayn, and Eleanor’s amusement.

The six of them leave together, all heading in the same direction. Louis and Eleanor branch off first, arms around each other’s shoulders. Apparently they’re not dating, like Niall thought they might be. They used to, Zayn explains, until Eleanor got a girlfriend of her own and Louis got one as well. They’re best friends, though, two peas in the same pod.

Liam goes off second, when they pass his building on Higgins Street. He has to ring the buzzer and the last thing Niall hears before they round the corner is, “Babe, forgot my key again.”

Zayn’s the only one who doesn’t leave them. Instead, it’s Harry and Niall that end up leaving him.

“It was nice meeting you, Niall,” Zayn says, smiling at him before he crosses the street and makes his way towards his place.

“Zayn lives with some of this other friends. Two other guys,” Harry explains, as they head up the stairs in their building. “They don’t come to trivia. They’re nice guys, but they’re not really friends with us, just Zayn. It’s like I said before, Zayn has his own social circles that he rotates around. But he’ll come around a lot now, I’m willing to bet.”

Harry winks at him as he shoves the key in the slot, like he’s made some kind of joke Niall’s supposed to understand but doesn’t.

**

“Hi, welcome to Autumn’s Attic,” Niall calls, when he hears the bell chime over the door. “Oh, hey,” Niall grins when he sees that it’s Zayn coming into the store.  “What are you doing here?”

“I want a new book,” Zayn says, shoving his hands into his pockets. “You have books, last I heard?”

“We have plenty of books,” Niall laughs. He shoves his bookmark into his own book and pushes it under the counter so it’s out of the way. His fingers itch to pick it back up again because he’s reached the climax and he needs to know who killed the main character’s cousin. If he’s even really dead. Niall is on the fence about what the ending is going to be. “Do you have anything special in mind?”

“I don’t really know what I want to get, actually,” Zayn admits.

Niall nods. “Yeah, I get that. Well, if you need help just let me know.”

Zayn wets his lips and nods, messing with some of the knick-knacks on the counter. “What do you recommend?”

“Okay, wow. Follow me.” Niall leads Zayn to the mystery section first. “So recently, I read this story set in Montana. I know that doesn’t really create a pretty picture. Well, no, it does. Montana is gorgeous. I just mean, you probably aren’t picturing anything too exciting, but it’s about a cattle rancher and he finds someone living in his barn. I don’t know. I don’t want to give too much away, but a lot happens that you’re not expecting at all,” Niall says, grabbing the book off the shelf to show Zayn the cover.

“That sounds good,” Zayn says, reaching out for it. Niall shakes his head and grabs Zayn’s arm, tugging him off somewhere else.

“This book is really great if you’re into romance,” Niall says, pointing to a purple spined novel on the shelf. “Oh, one of my customers recommended this one. She says it’s set in Egypt and the main characters are archeologists. Haven’t read it myself, but she was gushing about it. And then there’s oh, wow. Okay, I read this one in six hours.”

“You’ve read a lot of these,” Zayn notes, staring at Niall almost fondly. “What’s your favorite?”

“I don’t know,” Niall admits, frowning as he looks through the stacks. “Do you want fiction or non-fiction?”

Zayn shrugs. “I’ll read anything. Can’t guarantee I’ll finish it, but…”

Niall sighs and glances around, trying to think if there was one book in the world that he’d recommend to someone what it would be. There are too many options. The book could change based on his mood and who he’s talking to. Niall doesn’t know Zayn very well. He knows that he’s friends with Harry and that he’s good at trivia night. He knows that he’s not confrontational, judging from the incident with Louis on the street. He’s been nothing but nice to Niall since the moment they met, before they even knew each other’s names, so Niall wants to give him something good. He wants to recommend something that Zayn is going to enjoy.

“All right, follow me once more,” Niall says, watching as Zayn grins.

Niall leads him through the store, weaving through the stacks. He takes Zayn through the books that no one ever glances at unless they’re travelling or learning a new language, or just so happen to glance around as they’re walking to where they want to go. Non-fiction isn’t everyone’s favorite; Niall understands that. But he’s going out on a limb that Zayn will enjoy it.

“Okay, here we are,” Niall mumbles, running his fingers along the books. He pulls it off the shelf and passes it over to Zayn, feeling nervous all of a sudden.

Zayn takes the book and tucks it under his arm. He doesn’t check the title, just takes the book with a smile and says he’s going to get that Montana book and then he’ll meet Niall at check out.

“You don’t even know what that book is,” Niall says, pointing at the book. “How do you know you want to spend your money on it?”

“Yeah, I do. We’re in the outer space section. You gave me a book on space,” Zayn says and Niall nods. He almost laughs in disbelief because Zayn must like to read. He must like to read so much so that he’s memorized the layout of the store. He knows what books are which shelves, and he’s watched Niall lead him around and show off books that Zayn’s probably already read before.

Zayn sticks around while Niall works. He sticks by the counter for a while and they talk. He spends a bit of time in one of the chairs reading the books Niall recommended him. He’s still there when Niall’s shift is over, standing there and waiting patiently for Niall.

“Which way?” Zayn asks and Niall frowns, unsure what he means. “Are you staying and waiting for Harry, or are you heading home?”

“Oh, I’m gonna wait for Harry.”

Zayn nods and then steps aside. He holds his hands out as if to say, ‘lead the way.’ So Niall does. He walks over into the café area, waving at Harry as he snags his usual table in the corner. It’s not the in demand chairs that people like to settle into with their laptops or books, cup of coffee in one hand and everything. It’s how Niall always manages to get it after each shift.

“My favorite customers,” Harry shouts across the room, waving at them and ignoring the actual customers lining up in front of him.

“Don’t acknowledge him,” Niall says. “If you ignore him, he’ll help the customers, and _then_ he’ll bother us. I’ve figured it out.”

“There’s two of us today, though. Twice as much ignoring power. It might not work.”

“Oh, no,” Niall mutters, shaking his head. “It’ll work. He’ll wrap up with them, bring us something to eat and drink, then he’ll sit down until someone from the back yells at him.”

Zayn laughs and shakes his head, bringing his hand up to rest against his cheek with his elbow on the table. “How often does this happen?”

“Every time we work together,” Niall answers automatically. “He never gets in trouble, of course, but I think Pam likes threatening to fire him anyway.”

“Harry never gets in trouble for anything,” Zayn says with an eye roll, glancing out of the café window. “It’s one of his many perks in life.”

“What are you talking about?” Harry shouts from across the room. Niall can hear it followed up with, “that’ll be 12.87. Oh, exact change, nice.”

True to what Niall said, Harry comes rushing over once the line is gone. He has two coffees and muffins in hand. He sets them down on the table before he’s shoving Niall over and demanding to know what’s in Zayn’s bag.

“Books,” Zayn supplies, smirking when Harry peeks inside of the bag and nods his head in approval. “Niall picked them out.”

“He’s really great with books,” Harry says, taking his hat off and running his fingers through his hair. He squints a bit, wincing so quickly that Niall’s not sure if he imagined it or not. “There’s not much longer until I get off, but I can’t wait to go home and take a nap. My head is killing me. Did you hear when Marc dropped all those cups? I don’t know, it’s like the sound is stuck in my head.”

Niall bites his lip as Zayn asks how Marc hasn’t been fired yet. Niall’s been wary of helping people out too much when he’s noticed they’re in pain and need help, but Harry keeps rubbing his eyes and his temples as he talks, like he’s in a lot of pain. And Niall doesn’t like that, he doesn’t like seeing people that way, so he puts his hand on Harry’s shoulder, patting him there for a second.

“Sorry you got stuck with Marc,” he says, sliding his hand up to the back of Harry’s neck, right at the base of his skull. It’s not the exact location of the pain, but Niall thinks it should work. He should be close enough. He focuses on fixing Harry’s headache. He keeps his hand there for a couple seconds longer before he pulls away, reaching for the drink on the table. “I did hear the noise, but I mostly heard Pamela screaming. I was helping a customer when it happened.”

“Yeah, glass was everywhere. It was a disaster,” Harry sighs, leaning back in his seat. Niall can see Harry’s shoulders start to relax and he thinks he did it, thinks he must have helped Harry’s headache.

Harry sits with them for a total of three minutes before Pamela sticks her head out of the back and shouts at Harry to get back to work. Niall laughs like he always does when Harry gets in trouble. And then it’s just Zayn and Niall alone to talk about what Zayn’s read today and his early, premature theories on where the book is going to go until Harry gets off work an hour later.

Zayn walks them both home, just like he did after trivia. He departs with a wave and a plastic bag swinging at his side.

**

It hasn’t been that long since Niall left home. He tries not to think about it, really. If he thinks about it, then he’ll have to wonder how his parents are handling it alone. He’ll start to wonder if his mom is freaking out about him being gone, if they’re worried, or if they’re looking for him. Niall doesn’t want to think about that stuff, so he doesn’t. He hasn’t counted down the days since he arrived with Harry, but it’s been long enough that he’s starting to think he has friends. An entire group of friends that he’s never had before.

And well, Niall’s not entirely sure that they’re his friends. No one ever outright says anything about it or acknowledges the friendship, so maybe Niall’s wrong? He doesn’t think he is. He’s pretty sure that he’s right.

Niall goes to trivia with them. He has an open invitation, one where he’s not allowed to say no because Harry needs Niall to come so they can win. He’s tired of losing and he hates it. So Niall goes, and he and Zayn get the majority of the questions right when they’re not talking about books and stuff.

And sometimes Liam will show up randomly at their apartment. He shoves a controller in Niall’s hand and they’ll play games for hours. Niall’s not very good at any of the games, but Liam walks him through everything and lets him practice when they switch to new games. He doesn’t take it as seriously as Harry and Louis do. He’ll spend his days with Niall until he has to head back home to have dinner with his girlfriend.

Louis likes to take Niall to the park to kick the ball around. Niall always brings Cassini, so she can have some time to play outside. After they’re done, he drags Niall to bother Harry at work so they can get free drinks and snacks.

And then there’s Zayn, who spends more time with Niall than any of them – besides Harry, obviously. He likes to drop into the bookstore and talk until Niall’s shift ends. Sometimes, Niall lets him read behind the counter, tucked away so no one can see him instead of forcing Zayn to buy more books. Zayn always buys them, except for the ones that he doesn’t like, so Niall doesn’t feel too badly about it. Niall’s seen what rent and bills look like, so he thinks that Zayn should probably save his money for less exciting things, like electricity.

Sometimes, though, when Niall sees Zayn, they don’t even talk. Zayn will sit and read until Niall’s shift is over and then they’ll head into the café together to get a coffee and something to eat. Zayn will tell him about the book he’s read and they’ll talk about different things going on in the world. Zayn knows a lot about current events and they both have such strong opinions that align together. Niall finds it nice to talk to someone that he agrees with about these things.

Niall spends time with all of them, separately and as a group.

As it turns out, Niall and Harry are the only ones who actually make trips to the grocery store and keep their cabinets stocked. Well, Louis and Liam’s girlfriends keep their cabinets stocked too, but everyone feels bad for eating all of their food because they’re so nice. If it was just Louis’ food, Niall thinks he’d eat all of it, just because he can. But Niall likes Danielle and Sophia. They’re sweet girls who make him laugh, and who actually have answers at trivia. They actually know things, unlike their boyfriends, and Niall spends most of his time talking to them until Zayn shows up.

But it doesn’t really matter what they’re doing and when they do it, because Niall knows they’re his friends.

They’re the first friends he’s had in his entire life, besides Cassini and his parents. Niall truly can’t imagine his life getting any better than it is in this moment.

Sometimes, though, if Niall picks at his brain too much, he’ll start to think about the fact that none of his friends know about him. They know who he is as a person, what he’s like, but they don’t know what he can do. They don’t know his secret. Niall’s been careful about helping them. He’s used it on Louis’ ankle after he rolled it in the park once. He couldn’t bear the look on Louis’ face as he tried to hide the fact he was in pain. And he’s always rubbing Harry’s lower back for him. Harry’s back is that of an old man’s, and Niall tried so hard to avoid it until he caught Harry crying from the pain one morning.

Niall does his best to heal them to the best of his abilities, as long as it’s in ways that don’t draw attention to him. Because he knows they’re his friends, but he knows that he doesn’t want to be caught out more. Niall doesn’t want to lose the friends that he has because he has abilities none of them would understand if they knew.

**

When Niall buzzes Louis into their building, he’s expecting him to show up and be the voice of reason. Liam and Harry have been arguing for twenty minutes about what movie they’re going to watch, which Niall thought would be a quick argument while he cleaned up all the dirt Cass kicked on the floor after she and Harry got into a spat. It’s not a quick argument, though. But when Louis shows up at their door and Niall sees the look on his face, he can see that something is wrong.

Niall can feel the pain radiating off of Louis and he knows this isn’t something he can fix. This isn’t the kind of pain that Niall can put his hands on and heal. But Niall can feel it; he knows that it’s there.

“Come on,” Niall says, grabbing Louis by his arm and ushering him into the apartment. “Harry, Liam, um…”

“Louis,” Harry shouts, his voice wavering towards the end. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Danielle broke up with me,” Louis says, his voice hollow. “I thought everything was fine, but it wasn’t. She sat me down and we’re—We’re not together anymore.”

Niall knows Danielle very little compared to how he knows Louis. The news of the break up doesn’t change his opinions of her, but it is a new side to Louis. Louis’ softer moments are quick and fleeting, like shooting stars, and Niall’s lucky each time he sees them. But this, this is big, an explosion of emotion that Niall doesn’t know what to do with. Harry and Liam seem at a loss as well, the two of them exchanging looks as Louis goes into detail about what happened.

“I think things have been weird for a while,” Louis admits, running his thumb along his glass, wiping away the condensation. Louis wanted alcohol, but Harry decided that water was better until Zayn brought over everything needed for margaritas. Apparently, margaritas aren’t a break up drink, but it’s the first one that Harry could think of when he said he was texting Zayn. “I think we ignored it, though. I don’t know. We tried to make it work, and it just… didn’t, I guess.”

“What are you going to do about your apartment?” Liam asks.

“You can sleep on our couch,” Harry offers, nodding at Niall.

“Oh, yeah, of course. Cass sleeps in my room with me, so you wouldn’t have to worry about her bothering you.”

Louis shakes his head, laughing lightly and bitterly. “No, I’m good. She’s going to move in with one of her friends. Our lease is up in a couple months, so I’m going to stick around there for a while.”

“Oh my god, okay,” Harry breathes, running his fingers through his hair. “I know we don’t have any alcohol right now. Niall and I drank all the wine the other night when we were watching a Jeopardy marathon, but I’m going to break out my special cookies. Niall, close your eyes.”

Niall rolls his eyes and looks away, staring at the other side of the room. He already knows where Harry keeps his cookies. They’re hidden behind the breadbox. It’s obvious. The cookie box is taller than the breadbox, so Niall can see the cookies every time he’s in the kitchen.

“Chocolate chip is your special cookie?” Louis asks, raising an unimpressed brow at Harry.

“They’re organic,” Harry says. “Do you need milk?”

“No, I don’t need milk,” Louis decides, digging his hand around in the box and pulling up a handful of cookies. “God, they’re the mini kind. Harry, what are you doing picking this shit out? You pay for this?”

“No, he pays for it,” Niall says, holding his hands up defensively. “There’s a slice of carrot cake in the fridge from work. It’s Harry’s, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

“Zayn’s just texted me, he’s outside,” Liam says, moving across the room to hit the button for the buzzer.

Louis shoves the box of cookies across the table and jumps up, rushing to open the door. He yanks the bag out of Zayn’s hand and soon as he arrives, while Harry starts grabbing glasses and the blender. Zayn drapes his jacket across the back of the chair Louis was just occupying before he takes a seat, already reaching for the cookies.

“You know that it’s hot outside,” Niall asks, frowning at Zayn’s jacket. “Right?”

Zayn shrugs. “I like it,” he says, like it makes any sense. He grins at Niall as he pops a cookie in his mouth and then winces, shaking his head at the taste. “What is this?”

“Harry’s special cookies. They’re organic,” Louis says, like he’s disgusted with himself.

“They’re supposed to make you feel better. Sweets help heal broken hearts,” Harry cries, slapping Louis’ hand as he tries to take over making the drinks. “Stop, you’ll add too much alcohol and we’ll all die or something.”

“I want them strong,” Louis shouts.

“I brought Mario Kart,” Zayn says, leaning back in his chair. “And extra controllers, since I know Harry doesn’t have enough.”

“I have two, it’s all we need,” Harry shouts over the blender. “But I’m not playing. Louis cheated last time.”

“There’s not enough room for you on the couch, anyway, the cat’s lying on it again,” Liam says, opening a bottle of salsa from the pantry.

Niall glances at the three of them and frowns, as they argue over who is going to win the game. Everyone is moving around the apartment trying to get things set up. Harry’s pouring drinks; Liam is pouring their chips into a bowl; Louis is setting up the game; and Zayn is sat on the couch with Cass, petting her idly.

“Horan, let’s go,” Louis shouts, dropping down in the chair while Liam takes the floor. Apparently Liam doesn’t care for cats, which is fine because Cass doesn’t seem to care much for him either. “Do you know who want to play as?”

“I don’t really know what we’re playing,” Niall admits, taking the controller from Liam and frowning. “What is it?”

“Wait, what do you mean?” Liam asks, shocked.

“Niall’s a newbie to almost everything,” Harry says, handing out drinks. “I’m slowly exposing him to things. I don’t want to overwhelm him.”

“It’s just a game that gives Louis an excuse to yell at everyone,” Zayn explains. “You choose a character and then we race. Louis is always Mario, Liam is Luigi, I’m Yoshi, and Harry is Princess Peach. You can be anyone, though. It doesn’t matter.”

“No, you can’t, and yes, it does,” Louis says, taking a drink from Harry. “You can be Toad.”

“Is he good?”

“He’s cute,” Zayn says, like it’s some kind of explanation. Liam and Harry agree with him though, so Niall decides to let it go.

The game is fairly difficult. Niall struggles with getting his character to move and then, keeping his character on course instead of crashing repeatedly. He finishes last almost consistently, while everyone else just laps around him. It takes Louis’ mind off the break up, though, so Niall doesn’t mind. He can feel some of the pain lessening. It doesn’t disappear, but it does something.

Niall attempts to heal Louis when he pats his back to congratulate him on winning, but it doesn’t work. Nothing Niall does helps to heal Louis besides playing the game and being there for him, offering him support in a way that’s much different than Niall putting his hands on someone and healing their wounds instantaneously.

**

Louis throws a map down on the table and causes everyone to jump. Niall looks at it and then glances up at Louis, frowning in confusion.

“Did you bribe the people at Waterman’s to give you trivia topics again?” He asks, watching as Harry flips the map open. There’s roads highlighted in different colors, with an array of different shapes throughout. There are circles in some places, stars in others, and Niall has no idea what any of it means. “You’re going to get us in trouble again.”

“I didn’t ask them anything,” Louis says, grabbing a chair from another table and dragging it over. “I have a brilliant idea that I want to share with you all.”

“Oh, god,” Zayn groans, rubbing his left eye furiously.

“Do you have a headache?” Niall asks, leaning forward to try and make eye contact with Zayn.

“No, I’m good,” Zayn says, giving Niall a soft smile.

“God, who cares?” Louis says. “I said I have a brilliant idea.”

“What is this brilliant idea? I’m scared to ask,” Liam says. “What do all of these symbols mean? What do you know?”

Louis sighs and tugs the map back away from them. He holds it up in front of himself like a prop, setting it to the side to everyone can see his face and the map. “We’re going on a road trip,” he says, grinning wildly. “I’ve mapped out a way that we can travel across the country, including locations we might find interesting, the stars, and places we could stay for a couple days, the circles, and where we could sleep, the squares. The triangles are weird things I found online that might be fun but I didn’t write down what they were, so if we go to them, we might just have to circle around to figure out what’s there. Make it more fun, you know.”

Niall looks around as Louis finishes, taking in the look on everyone’s faces. Zayn’s head is in his hands, which he’s shaking wildly. Liam is staring down at the table intensely, like there’s a hidden message written on the surface. Harry is, well, Harry’s mouth is hanging open and he’s staring at Louis like there’s two extra heads on his shoulders.

“Louis, you’re not making any sense,” Harry says, the first one to break the silence. “God, who even gave you a map and markers to play with? What is going on?”

“We’re going to go on a road trip,” Louis repeats, like no one heard him the first time. “I found this while Danielle was cleaning out her shit. No clue where it came from, but I think it’s a sign. I think I need to go. I need to get out of my depressing as fuck apartment and go somewhere.”

“And you’re taking us with you?” Liam says. “As hostages, or do we have a choice?”

“Yes to the first bit, no to everything else,” Louis decides, pointing at Liam. “Listen, I know this doesn’t seem like I’ve thought this through but I have. My former girlfriend is lugging her shit out of a place we rented together, and I want to—I don’t know. It fucking sucks. I don’t want to be there. Then, I look down, and this is there. A fucking map I’ve never seen a day in my life. It’s a sign. We need to do this.”

Niall’s not one to argue against sign. Like most of the major decisions in Niall’s life lately, signs have dictated all of them. He understands how desperate someone can be in their own life, to want out of it so badly that when a sign comes, they have to take it. He gets that. Niall’s done that, it’s why he’s here, sitting at the café with his only friends in the world listening as Louis rambles on about the places they can go, different parts of the country they’ve never been before. How it can pull Louis out of his shitty life for a moment to enjoy a couple weeks with his friends. Niall nods and listens, trying his best to understand.

Niall understands the general idea behind it. Niall understands that Louis is going through something in his life that is hard and he wants to take his mind off of it. He totally understands that. While Niall hasn’t gone through a break up or heartbreak himself, he can still sympathize with what Louis is feeling. It’s the same feeling he gets when his favorite character dies, or something tragic happens. It’s not entirely the same, but it works to help him understand it all.

Louis is going through a type of pain that Niall can’t touch, can’t fix. And like most people during emotional distress, rational thought tends to go out the window. And in Louis’ case, it’s flown out of the window so far that he wants to spend weeks traveling across country to try and find it.

Louis is highly impulsive on a good day, but this? This is next level.

“Louis, you’re not making any sense,” Harry says, for the third time in a row.

“I’m making a lot of sense, and if you’d put your phone down and pay attention,” Louis says, yanking the phone away from Harry, “you’d know that. Come on, you have that creepy ass van that you never use, so why not use it?”

“You have a van?” Niall asks. It’s the first thing he’s said since this whole thing started and it shocks him more than the idea for the trip. “I’ve never seen it.”

“Yes, you have,” Liam says.

“It’s that massively ugly thing that’s parked in front of your building. He only ever moves it on street cleaning days. He invested a shit ton of money into it to make it almost brand new, despite it being old as shit,” Louis explains. “It’s why he needed a roommate.”

“That’s not true!” Harry cries.

Next to him, Zayn sighs, like this conversation is physically hurting him. “Louis, are you okay?” Zayn asks, quietly but firmly. “Do you need me to—” He doesn’t finish, but Louis shakes his head, like he knows where the sentence is going.

“I’m fine. I’m just trying to get you idiots on board with my brilliant plan. Seriously, how are you all not more excited for this?”

“Because you’re not making any sense,” Harry shouts.

“Louis, I understand that you’re going through a lot right now with Danielle moving out. I know it’s like, ripping the band-aid off slowly, but you’re asking us to take time off work and drive around in Harry’s van for weeks, for no reason.”

Louis throws his hands up in the air and groans. “It’s not for no reason. There’s a reason,” he says. “We deserve this. I don’t know, fuck. Why are you acting like this is a bad idea?”

Zayn pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “You have to call off work weeks in advance. And what the hell makes you think that any of us can afford this?”

“Because,” Louis shouts, drawing the attention of the other people in the café, “because, he continues, his voice lower, “none of us ever leave this place. We never get breaks, ever. And fuck, if you’re not going to do this for me, then—I don’t know. Fuck, do it for Niall, our new friend who deserves to have a good time.”

“Don’t use Niall as a pawn,” Zayn says, shaking his head. “That’s not cool.”

“It’s okay,” Niall assures him.

Niall doesn’t know how he feels about the idea of living out of a van and travelling the country. He knows that it’s fun, though. And more than anything, Niall knows that Louis thinks this is what he needs to heal the wounds to his heart, and Niall will do anything to heal someone he cares about.

Plus, Niall has kind of figured out that Louis is the unofficial leader of their friend group. Everyone goes along with what he says eventually, in some way or another. It’s really only a matter of time before everyone folds like a house of cards.

“I don’t know what you’re expecting of us, Louis,” Harry says, his voice unnaturally high.

“When do you want to leave?” Liam asks.

“Soon. Tomorrow. Two days, three days,” Louis shrugs, “I don’t know, whatever you guys can manage.”

“You want us to tell our managers that we need time off with two days warning,” Liam asks skeptically. “You really expect that to work?”

“I think it’ll be fun,” Niall cuts in. “I’ve never seen the ocean before.”

“Wait,” Harry says, his eyebrows pulling together. “You’ve never seen the ocean?”

Niall shakes his head and watches as the rest of them share looks. “I told you guys, I’ve never left home until now. There’s a creek near my parent’s house, but it’s nothing like the ocean, obviously. I once read this book that involved canoeing on a river. I read you can do that anywhere, like on lakes and stuff. Probably not the best for ocean because of the waves, but there’s alternatives to canoes,” Niall rambles. “Oh, and the mountains. I’ve never seen those. I read a book about a guy who climbed a mountain with his friends and there was an avalanche, which sounds horrifically terrifying, so I don’t want to see that part of a mountain, but… yeah.”

“Niall, what else haven’t you done before?” Zayn asks, looking at Niall carefully.

“I don’t know,” Niall says with a shrug, rubbing his thumb along the fake wood grain of the table.

Across the table, Harry sighs, slumping back in his seat. “All right. Okay. We’re doing this,” he says, putting his head in his hands before he looks up and shouts, “Pam, Niall and I need some time off.”

“Wait, are you serious?” Louis says, his eyes going wide.

“Yeah, we’re serious,” Zayn confirms, while Liam nods his head in agreement.

Louis cheers, throwing his hands up in the air in the excitement. Niall laughs as he watches him. It’s almost like he can see Louis’ heart getting better from here.

**

“Louis was right,” Niall says, turning around to face Harry as he steps into their apartment building, “your van is creepy.”

Harry sighs. “It’s not creepy. It’s just an older model.”

Niall turns back around and squints at the van, trying to see if he can look at it in a way that’s not creepy. It’s not working. The van is big and old, with cargo storage on top that’s a different color than the rest of the van. It’s baby blue with two thin white stripes down the side. Niall’s always assumed that it belonged to one of their neighbors with kids. But knowing that it belongs to Harry, he can see now why everyone assumes the van is creepy. One man in a van… Niall can see why it’s creepy.

“Do you really want to go on this trip?” Harry asks, when they’re finally back in their apartment. “It’s just us, so you can tell me if you feel pressured. Louis is always coming up with ideas. He doesn’t always follow through with them.”

“I don’t know,” Niall says, shrugging. “I think that it could be fun. But that stuff Zayn mentioned…”

“Oh, about our jobs? Don’t worry about that, I can get that taken care of. Pamela won’t be happy, but she’ll give them to us. I know how to get what I want,” Harry tells him with a wink. “Not in a creepy way, though. I just know how to make her give me time off on short notice.”

“I don’t know what a creepy way means,” Niall informs him, as he goes through the motions of getting Cass food and water. Harry’s sprawled out on the couch, feet dangling over the arm. He makes a noise when Cass dives off the back of the couch onto his stomach and then the floor. “We’ve been saying creepy a lot, though.”

“It’s creepy, huh,” Harry laughs, using his toes to get his shoes off. He kicks them across the room and Niall sighs as he picks them up. “So you really want to go on this road trip?”

Niall shrugs, knowing that Harry’s not looking at him. He doesn’t know if he wants to go or if he doesn’t, if he’s being honest. Part of him would like to see more than what he has. Another part of him is terrified, like the night he left his parents, but so far, only amazing things have come from that fear.

“What am I going to do about Cass? I can’t take her.”

“We can take her to my sister’s,” Harry says, pushing up on his elbows to look at Niall. “She lives a little ways away, but she loves cats. And then, on our way back, we can grab Cass and bring her home. It’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

**

They leave four days later.

Niall has everything he owns back in a bag that Harry throws into the cargo space on top of his van. It fits all of their bags and then some. Then some being a tent, blankets, and other things that everyone thinks they might need throughout the trip. Harry lets Niall pick out the snacks while Liam takes care of the drinks.

The inside of Harry’s van is a funky shade of red. It’s a horrible contrast to the outside of the van, with the baby blue, and Louis shudders when the doors open. There’s three rows of seats, the two in the front, a bench in the back, and two bucket seats in the middle. Niall takes one of the middle seats and fights back a grin when he finds out that they spin a bit. Not in a full circle but they move enough that he’s able to shift around. Harry and Louis take the seats up front, while Liam slides in the back. It leaves Zayn to sit in the other middle seat next to the door.

“Since we’re taking my car, I get to pick out the music,” Harry says with a grin. He fiddles around with the knobs on the radio before stopping on a song Niall’s never heard before.

“I brought my own,” Liam says, tugging a pair of headphones out of his pocket.

“You’re not choosing the music for the entirety of the trip,” Zayn says and Niall can see Harry make faces in the mirror, mocking Zayn.

“We’re not going to use our phones unless we’re well and truly fucked,” Louis says, speaking over Harry’s retort. “We’re going where to road takes us.”

“I thought you had this thing planned?” Liam asks, peeking his head between Zayn and Niall’s seats. “I thought I remember you have symbols and highlighted roads. Am I wrong?”

“You’re not wrong,” Zayn confirms. “Louis, is this a road trip or a game of left, right, or straight?”

Louis groans and throws his hands up in the air. “It’s a road trip. I’m just saying, we’re not going to be forced to adhere to it. The road is going to tell us where to go.”

“How are we going to know what the road is saying?” Niall asks, biting back a smile.

“Don’t start with me, Horan,” Louis says, flipping around in his seat to point his finger at Niall. “We’ll figure that out.

“The road is telling us to go to my sister’s,” Harry says. “We have to take the cat there.”

Niall smiles at Cass, whose sleeping contently in the hammock Harry bought her. It suctions to the window, giving her a place to lay with a view. It’s excessive and more money than it’s worth, but Harry was excited about it when they did a pet store run to stock up on everything that his sister will need.

The chatter cuts out fairly quickly. Liam leans back against the bench, popping his headphones in and listening to music loudly. Niall can faintly hear it over the woman Harry is singing along to in the driver’s seat. There’s not much else to do when you’re on the road, Niall is finding out, especially once the scenery starts to change to farmland and areas where houses are few and far between. It starts to remind Niall of home.

They’re not going in the right direction to be anywhere near Niall’s parents, but there’s still the same feeling of home he’s always felt when he sees wheat fields and large acres of grass.

There’s only so much staring out of the window that Niall can do, he realizes, as he glances around the van. Harry and Liam are still going as they were, listening to music. Louis has a new, clean, unmarked map stretched out across his lap. He’s drawing lines on it in orange, while a yellow marker sits between his lips. He flips the map around from time to time, like he’s trying to figure out which way is which. His phone is propped up in front of him. Niall suspects he’s trying to figure out where they are.

And next to him, there’s Zayn. His legs are folded and he has a book resting on his lap, head propped in his hands, as he elbow rests on his knees. Zayn glances up and catches Niall looking at him, so Niall smiles, and turns his attention back towards the window.

“Do you get car sick?” Zayn asks and Niall turns to look back at him.

“I don’t know,” Niall admits with a shrug. “Why do you ask?”

Zayn leans forward and digs around in the bag at his feet. He pulls out a book and passes it over with a smile. “In case you get bored,” he explains.

“You took the sleeve off,” Niall says, staring at the book.

“I didn’t want to ruin it in my bag.”

“What’s it about?” Niall asks, looking up.

Zayn shrugs and turns his attention back to his own book. “You’ll have to read it and find out.”

Niall smiles and nods his head, already flipping through the first couple pages until he reaches the beginning of the first chapter. The pages are smooth but Niall can see signs of wear. There’s a bit of dirt in the corner, where someone has thumbed the corner to turn the page. The spine is worn and doesn’t fight against being held open. It’s not stiff like a brand new book. It’s something that Zayn’s read before, something that he enjoys enough to bring with him on a trip. It’s a gesture, to give Niall the book, one that he appreciates.

**

When Niall wakes up, it’s dark out. There’s not a trace of lights or another car as far as Niall can see. He presses his face against the window and looks up, seeing a flurry of stars in the sky. It’s like the stars that shine over his parent’s house, not like the stars that shine above Harry’s, so Niall knows they’re far away from anything and everything.

There’s soft music playing on the radio, the volume low. Liam’s still lying down in the backseat, except this time he’s holding his phone over his head. The light reflecting on his face flashes different colors in varying degrees of intensity, so Niall assumes that he’s watching some kind of video of sorts. Next to him, Zayn doesn’t seem to be doing much of anything, besides scratching under Cassini’s chin. She’s stretched out across his lap, tail flicking slowly in contentment. Upfront, Louis and Harry are being… well, Louis and Harry.

“My back is starting to hurt,” Harry complains, turning down the radio completely. “I need to stretch my legs.”

“I’ve had to pee since Milton,” Louis confesses.

“That was three hours ago,” Zayn says, frowning. “Actually, we should let Cass out, too.”

In the front seat, Louis laughs. “Like she’s some kind of dog.”

“A feline dog,” Liam says, finally sitting up.

Niall snorts at that. “I don't think we’re going to find anywhere to stop for a while.”

“I’m tired,” Harry whines. “Everyone has slept but me. We need to find somewhere to sleep for the night.”

“Niall’s right, we’re not going to find anything for a while,” Zayn says. “You might as well let someone else drive.”

“No, I don’t want to.”

“Harry, you can’t drive this whole trip yourself,” Liam says. “You’re going to need to let someone else do it, might as well start now.”

“I don’t even know where we are,” Harry says. “Louis stopped reading the map at sunset.”

Louis sighs at that. “You don’t know how to get to your own sister’s house?”

“I told you, I thought I took a wrong turn, but you wouldn’t let me check my phone to confirm.”

“Are you kidding me?” Louis retorts, throwing his hands up in the air. “Just pull over. I told you, I need to go, so let me go because I think this is some kind of hostage situation. The cat needs to go too, I’m willing to bet.”

“You’re willing to bet right,” Niall chimes in.

Harry groans and then swerves the car over quickly. There’s a loud thumping sound as they run over the sleeper lines. Everyone jerks in their seats, shifting so the seat belt digs into Niall’s neck before he falls back into his seat. Cass is digging her nails into Zayn’s thighs to try and stay in one place. It’s the most disgruntled she’s looked in ages.

It takes ten minutes for everyone to decide that this is where they’re sleeping for the night. Niall knows they’re not allowed to pull over on the side of the road for a few hours to sleep. It’s against the law. The only legal option they have is to keep driving until they find a hotel, maybe even some kind of rest stop. Though, Niall doesn’t think they’re going to find either of those until they figure out where a main road is. They’re on some kind of county road, probably unnamed beyond ‘county road’ followed by a number.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Zayn says again, as Harry starts the van up just so they can roll down the windows to get some air inside. “We don’t know what’s around here.”

“There’s no cell signal. None,” Liam says, waving his phone around. “We couldn’t figure out where we’re going to go even if we wanted to.”

“This is why we need accommodations in advance,” Zayn says, clearly annoyed.

“There’s no point in arguing about it,” Niall mutters, shrugging when Zayn glances up at him. “We’re here now. It’s late. The only other option we have is to take turns driving.”

“No one knows how to get to Harry’s sister’s,” Louis says, “so we can’t really do that until we know where we’re at. We’d just end up getting even more lost, possibly ending up hours from where we need to be by the time the sun rises.”

“Which is why there’s no point in arguing about it,” Niall says. Everyone looks reluctant as they nod their heads. Everyone slowly begins to pile back into the van, grumbling as they return to their seats. Niall grabs Cass and sets her inside the van, gently pushing her over towards his seat. “Harry, come here for a second.”

Harry glances up at him and nods. He climbs back out of the van and Niall meets him round front, watching the way that Harry walks. It’s stiff, and he’s attempting to straighten up his back.

“Does it hurt?” Niall asks, and Harry knows what he’s talking about because he nods. “Can I try to do something to help?”

“I was just going to lean the seat back and take a couple of pills for it. It’s just stiff from sitting all day,” Harry explains, trying to wave it off as nothing. “It should be okay.”

“You’re not going to be able to sleep if it hurts,” Niall tells him. “You’re always bugging me to rub your aches and pains at home. I really don’t mind.”

Harry sighs for a second, running his fingers through his hair before he nods. “All right, since you’re practically begging to put your hands on me,” he jokes, shifting his body around so Niall can dig his fingers into Harry’s lower back. “Still think you should give massages for a living, or maybe you could go to school as a chiropractor.”

Niall just laughs like he always does when Harry tells him this. He focuses on the pain Harry’s feeling instead, working his fingers into the muscles and waiting until Harry groans a bit before he concentrates on healing him, on removing all of the aches and pains that Harry is feeling. He knows when it works, when Harry’s no longer tense beneath his hands. Now he’s loose and happy, sighing as he pulls away.

“I’m going to fund your degree,” Harry tells him, resting his hand on Niall’s shoulder as a gesture of thanks before he turns to climb into the van.

Niall follows him, moving towards the open door. He shimmies around Zayn’s legs and then falls into his own seat. He glances around for Cass and finds her on the floor, tail flicking as she watches Harry settle in. He reclines his seat and then pushes the steering wheel up as far as it can go before he lies down, throwing an arm over his head. Cass jumps up and settles in on his chest. She rubs her face against him for a second before she curls up, Harry’s other arm wrapping around her.

Harry falls asleep fairly quickly. Niall knows. He’s used to listening to him quietly snore when he falls asleep at night on the couch. Miraculously, Liam falls asleep again, or at least he’s doing a pretty good job of trying his absolute hardest to get some sleep. Niall closes his own eyes and tries to follow. It’s not easy. He mostly feels like he’s lying in the dark twiddling his thumbs, listening as everyone else around him sleeps. It feels like hours before he opens his eyes and sighs, wishing he could find sleep like everyone else.

“I’m guessing you’re not tired,” Zayn whispers and Niall turns, looking at him.

“No, not really,” he admits.

“Come on,” Zayn says, reaching for the door. It opens slowly, with a little bit of noise. Niall glances around and sees that everyone is still sleeping as Zayn jumps out of the side.

Zayn digs around under his seat, pulling out a quilt. Niall stares at him for a moment while he tries to decide if he wants to jump out of a van in the middle of the night, in a place he doesn’t know.

Niall joins him. He follows as Zayn lies the blanket on the ground. He motions for Niall to take a seat as he takes his own, stretching out on the cool fabric and staring up at the night’s sky.

“This is the only good thing about being stuck here,” Zayn says, folding his arms under his head. “You can’t see the stars like this at home. There are too many lights. It’s never really dark, like it is here.”

“Yeah, it took a while to get used to sleeping with a light coming through my window,” Niall admits quietly. “But you’re right, I haven’t been able to see the stars like this in a while. You can see Hercules right there.” Niall points up to the sky, shifting his point around until he’s mapped the entire shape. “My mom likes that one,” he admits. “She can never find it, but she likes that some of those he defeated are also in the sky. She always said it was some kind of lesson to learn. I still don’t know what she means by that. It was probably just something she said to scare me as a kid.”

“Your mom used the stars to scare you?”

Niall laughs. “No, I think she just wanted me to think there was more meaning behind it. She just wanted me to know that they’re more than just stars, I guess. I don’t know,” he says. “But, really, I think she just likes Messier 13. The cluster of thousands of stars in Hercules, which is pretty cool, yeah, but… then again, maybe she just enjoys Greek Mythology.”

“It is pretty interesting,” Zayn agrees. “I think a lot of people like that.”

“You can see Sagittarius, too,” Niall mumbles, tracing the constellation. “It’ll be gone in a couple of months. I think it might be one of my favorites. It’s right at the center of the galaxy. There are obviously other things there, but imagine being right there in the center.”

“You know a lot about stars, don’t you?” Zayn asks.

“I know a lot about everything,” Niall admits. “I love to read. It’s all I used to do.”

“That’s why you were so excited when Harry you your job. He talked about it a bit when you first moved in.”

“Yeah, what’s not to love about it? I get first pick of any book I want, and I get to share my opinions with people, and talk about books all day. I mean, most of the customers are really great, for the most part.”

“For the most part,” Zayn repeats. “What other constellations can you see?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Niall says, already lifting his hand back up to point to the sky.

Zayn listens as Niall talks about the constellations that he can see, about their location in the sky and how much longer they’ll be visible. Sometimes he talks about constellations that aren’t visible, like Hydra, and how long it takes to be fully visible as the Earth shifts throughout the night. Zayn listens, rarely interrupting except to ask questions.

Somewhere, and Niall doesn’t know when, he must have fallen asleep. The next thing he knows Zayn is shaking him awake.

“Hey, let’s get you in the van,” Zayn says, offering Niall his hand. He helps pull Niall to his feet and picks the blanket up in two quick motions.

Zayn keeps his hand on Niall’s elbow, gently guiding him back to the van.

“Sorry for falling asleep,” Niall tells him, sighing as he leans back in his seat, his eyes already closing again.

“It’s all right,” Zayn tells him.

Niall feels a weight against his side, soft and warm. He reaches his hand out and runs his fingers through Cass’s fur, feeling her purr against his stomach as he falls back to sleep.

**

Gemma Styles is ecstatic to find out that she’s going to have another cat in her house. She seems surprised when they show up, until Harry says they have a cat for her.

“It’s temporary,” Niall clarifies, because he wants to be sure that she understands Cassini is his and she will be coming back with him as soon as this is all over.

“Of course it’s temporary,” Harry says, rolling his eyes when he looks at Niall. “I called her at the rest stop to let her know everything.”

Gemma rolls her eyes at her brother behind his back, before ushering them all inside. She offers Cass a chin scratch as a greeting, and Cass looks at her like she knows that Gemma is related to Harry and she’s skeptical of her. From looks alone, it’s obvious that Gemma and Harry are siblings. They look alike, for one thing, but there’s a certain air surrounding them that Niall thinks might just be embedded in the Styles DNA.

She introduces them all to her boyfriend, who seems just as excited as Gemma about having Cass stay with them for a while. Their cat is sleeping at the top of a cat tree, oblivious to everything happening around her.

“My family has a thing for black and white cats,” Harry says, his back turned to Niall as he reaches up to pet Gemma’s cat. “Gemma is making a huge exception letting a calico into the house.”

“Dilute calico,” Gemma corrects. “And Harry, shut up. We’re happy to help out, Niall, really.”

“Harry’s just being a little shit,” Zayn whispers in Niall’s ear, making Niall laugh.

Niall knows that Harry is just teasing Niall, just trying to make him feel as though everything is going to be okay. Niall sets Cass down, giving her some time to explore while Gemma shows them around the house. She points them in the direction of the bathrooms, leaving them with a look that lets them know they don’t smell very nice. After driving for a full day and sleeping with the windows open, Niall’s sure that she’s right.

They each take turns taking showers. When Niall steps out, everyone is gathered outside. Harry is sleeping on a pool float, his snoring background noise to everyone else’s conversation. His chest is starting to turn red from the sun. He sleeps until Louis jumps into the pool, splashing him and causing him to wake up. Niall’s stomach hurts from laughter when Harry wakes up, his arm flailing about wildly and his sunglasses half falling off his face.

It’s a fun evening. Niall eats a burger make from beans and tomatoes that taste just like they were picked off a farm. Gemma has a special sauce that she drizzles on top of the burger, and whatever it is, it’s delicious. Louis complains about it, until Liam kicks him under the table and then he shuts up.

When it comes time to sleep, Harry and Zayn take the spare bedroom while Liam, Louis, and Niall take the living room. Liam loses the coin toss and has to sleep on the floor. The house is quiet as they settle in for the night, lying in the dark and listening as Cass and Gemma’s cat run around.

“You know what I realized when we got here,” Louis says, voice quiet.

“What?” Liam asks before Niall can.

“Where the hell are we going to shower?” Louis laughs. “Are we going to bathe in rivers or something? We’re going to need hotels, or campsites with showers.”

“Are you finally admitting you weren’t prepared?” Liam asks.

“Shut up,” Louis says. “I’m not going to say that.”

Niall snorts and turns onto his side so he can better see the two of them. “No one is ever prepared when they travel,” Niall defends. “No matter how hard you try, you can’t prepare.”

“And usually, if we’re being honest, no one actually plans for showers when thinking about taking a trip,” Louis tacks on. “Everyone just assumes they’re going to be there.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Niall says.

“Did you have water at your parent’s house?” Liam asks.

Niall watches as Louis grabs a pillow and chucks it at Liam. “Don’t ask that, dickhead.”

“We had water,” Niall answers. “We had electricity and everything. We just weren’t living in a highly populated area. It was kind of like where we slept last night, except no one ever drove by. It was just us.”

“Just you? Are you serious?”

“Positive,” Niall tells them. “The only car that ever drove past before I left was my dad’s. The car after that… I’m not sure who it was. I had never seen it before.”

“Niall, if anyone needs this trip, it’s you,” Louis says softly.

Niall bites his tongue and stares up at the ceiling. He knows Louis doesn’t mean any harm by it, but it makes Niall feel badly for a moment. It feels a bit like salt. The knowledge of not having the same life of everyone has followed Niall every day of his life. And now, to have someone else acknowledge it so profoundly, Niall doesn’t like it, no matter what way Louis means it.

**

Zayn finds Niall outside in the middle of the night.

Niall knows who it is as soon as Gemma’s door slides open.

“What are you doing awake?” Niall asks, tugging his legs up so they’re pressed against his chest, his head resting on his knees. “Can’t sleep?”

“Not with Harry snoring like he is,” Zayn admits, sounding exasperated. “I don’t want to wake him up and tell him to shut up since he’s taking first shift with driving.”

“Yeah. I’d say luckily for us Gemma talked him into letting everyone else drive, but now it seems like it’s unfortunately for you she did that.”

“Yeah, unfortunate for me,” Zayn sighs, staring up at the sky. “What are you doing awake? Trying to find Sagittarius?”

“No, it’s behind us,” Niall says automatically. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind, I guess.”

Zayn nods and turns to look at Niall. “Anything you feel like sharing?” He asks and Niall shrugs, unsure of what he should say. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. If it's something you’re not comfortable with.”

“No, it’s okay,” Niall says. “I’ve just been thinking a lot about—I don’t know. I guess it’s not really anything.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Zayn says after a moment. “Sometimes we just don’t know how to put into words what we’re thinking or feeling. It’s always something, though, even when it feels like nothing.”

Niall sighs and nods, twisting his head around so his cheek is pressed against his knees. He looks at Zayn, allowing the corner of his mouth to quirk up when Zayn smiles at him in the moonlight.

“Is this about leaving home?” Zayn asks.

“Yeah,” Niall breathes. “It’s not that entirely. I was talking to Louis and Liam earlier, and it’s just kind of hitting me how little I’ve done. Harry always has these wild stories to tell, like he’s done so much in his life. And then there’s Louis, who doesn’t seem afraid to try anything. I mean, he thought of this entire trip like it’s nothing. Like picking up and leaving doesn’t mean anything.”

“Well, not everyone’s the same.”

“Obviously that’s true,” Niall says. “It’s just a jarring contrast to my own life. I can’t relate to that.”

“Really, not everyone can. Taking trips like this is normal, sure, but that doesn’t mean everyone can afford to take them, whether that be because of money or time,” Zayn explains. “Louis comes up with ideas all the time. Usually, Liam is the only one to go along with all of them. I’m guilty of helping out with quite a few, too.”

“Harry called you two partners in crime.”

Zayn snorts at that. “Maybe that’s what we are.”

“What if I want to come up with my own Louis idea?” Niall asks. “What if I want to do something wild?”

“I can’t picture you doing anything wild like Louis,” Zayn admits, laughing. “But what do you have in mind?”

“I don’t know,” Niall confesses.

“You want to go get a tattoo? That’s kind of wild.”

“God, no,” Niall says, almost too firmly. “No, nothing like that. Something that’s not, uh, so permanent, would be nice.”

Zayn nods his head and looks thoughtful for a moment, looking at Niall and then out at the backyard. He’s quiet for so long that Niall thinks the conversation is over, so he goes back to staring at Gemma’s pool, watching as the light from the moon reflects off the water.

“Come on, I have an idea,” Zayn says, jumping up. He motions for Niall to follow, waving his hand around urgently.

“Where are we going?” Niall asks.

“Just follow me,” Zayn tells him.

Together, they sneak out of Gemma’s house, leaving the door unlocked. Zayn swipes the van keys off the kitchen counter as they go. He drives them to a store with a twenty-four hour sign in the window. He doesn’t tell Niall what they’re doing until he stops in the aisle, holding his hands out like a product model on television.

“Hair dye?” Niall asks, frowning at the smiling women on the packages.

“You want something that’s not permanent, right? These aren’t permanent. It’s just hair,” Zayn says. “It grows back.” He grabs a box off the shelf and waves it around like it’s supposed to entice Niall.

Niall stares at the remaining boxes on the shelf. He reads that the one Zayn’s chosen for him will change his hair to blonde.

“I don’t know how to dye my hair,” Niall admits. “I’ve never even thought about this before.”

Zayn snorts and reaches into his pocket. He pulls his phone out and then shows it to Niall, swiping through a series of pictures that show Zayn’s hair as pink, green, blonde, silver, and even once where he had a blonde strip through the font of his hair. Each picture is Zayn, alone, staring at the camera in various degrees of indifference, like he’s not worried about what the end result is going to be.

“Wow, okay,” Niall mumbles, looking up at Zayn. “You know what you’re doing.”

“I know what I’m doing,” Zayn confirms.

“Then, let’s do this,” Niall says, grinning widely. Zayn returns the smile easily.

When they get back to Gemma’s house, Niall waits on the back patio with the hair dye while Zayn grabs everything they need. He clips an old towel around Niall’s neck, one that’s bleached and tearing apart at the ends. One Gemma won’t mind them using.

It takes a while to get the dye on, to let it sit, and then to wash it off using Gemma’s hose. They spend the time talking about the book Zayn let Niall borrow, about theories that Niall has and stuff that’s already happened.

Zayn let’s Niall clean the dye off himself while he cleans up. Niall takes his time. He runs his fingers through his hair and then uses the towel to try and dry it off. He has no idea how it looks or what he looks like. He doesn’t feel any different having done it, but he’s done something.

“How do I look?” Niall asks, standing a few paces behind Zayn.

Zayn looks over his shoulder and then does a full body turn, his eyes widening slightly as he takes Niall in. Niall watches Zayn visibly swallow before he says, “Yeah.”

“Yeah?” Niall laughs. “Does that mean it looks good?”

“Oh,” Zayn mutters, nodding quickly. “Yeah, it uh, looks good.”

Niall smiles at him and feels satisfied. He rushes inside to see what he looks like in Gemma’s bathroom and it’s nice. He doesn’t look too bad.

**

“Oh my god,” Harry screams, first thing in the morning, as he pours himself something to drink. “Niall, your hair!”

Niall smiles sheepishly and shrugs, staring down at his breakfast to avoid looking at anyone.

“Seriously, you look amazing,” Harry says, and when Niall looks up, his eyes are still wide. “You did that while we slept?”

“It was Zayn’s idea,” Niall admits, watching as the shock on Harry’s face turns into a smirk.

“Oh, are you trying to turn Niall into rainbow head like you?”

“He’s trying to turn him into something,” Louis says, grinning behind his mug. “But it looks great. I like it.”

Gemma strides into the kitchen, shaking her head at them. “All right boys, have fun on your trip. Please remember to lock my door when you leave,” she says, glaring at Harry. “And Niall, I’ll send Harry pictures and stuff while you’re gone, don’t worry.”

“Thank you,” Niall tells her. He offers her a wave as she walks out of the door.

Over breakfast, they talk about Niall’s new hair and how everyone thinks he might look better blonde. And then they’re grabbing everything they need and don’t need. Harry steals a pack of water bottles from his sister’s garage. Liam and Zayn make everyone lunch with the preapproved foods that Gemma said they could take.

When they’re done loading up the van again, Niall feels the curl of panic start to twist in his gut.

Driving to Harry’s sister’s house is just the first stop of many along this trip. But it’s the only stop that Niall leaves his last piece of home behind. There’s nothing going forward besides his travelling bag and clothes that he’s brought from home. Cass is the last of his family that he has with him, and now he’s leaving her behind. From the first day Cass came into his life, they’ve been together. There’s nothing and no one more important to him than Cass. And now Niall is leaving her because he has to take a trip with his friends.

Niall wanders back into Gemma’s house and finds Cassini lying down on the couch. She’s watching him intently, her tail flicking slowly, like she knows what’s coming. She lets Niall press his face into her fur and breathe, like he needs to memorize her in every way that he can. He rests his chin on the couch, face several inches from hers and hopes that she’ll communicate with him telepathically to let him know what he should do.

Without Cassini, Niall’s truly alone. He’s left everything and everyone he knows behind. There’s no one else. And it’s starting to hit him, just how very real his leaving home is. Just how little he has out in the world. Leaving Cass behind means that this is it, this is him finally stepping out into the world with nothing more than himself. No cat, no family, just him and four strangers that he’s come to call friends.

“Niall, are you okay?” Zayn asks, taking a step towards Niall. He reaches out like he wants to touch Niall but he stops a few feet away. Zayn frowns as his eyes sweep over Niall.

“He’s okay,” Louis says, stepping closer and throwing an arm around Niall’s shoulders. “He’s just going to miss his cat. Think I might miss her too. Who else is going to bully Harry and get away with it?”

Niall laughs and feels himself relax. He pets Cassini for a second longer, then leans forward and kisses her head. When he stands up, she rolls over onto her stomach before twisting to face the back of the other couch. It feels like she’s telling him that she’s going to be fine, that he has nothing to worry about.

Niall thinks she’s right.

**

They end up in Yellowstone. It wasn’t part of the plan, but they drive past it along the way and decide they have to stay there. Apparently, it’s a big deal letting them stay there without a reservation, so Harry flirts his way into getting the guy to giving them their own campground.

They spend the evening trying to figure out how to pitch the tents that they have. They divide themselves up into two groups, with Liam and Louis on one, and Harry, Zayn, and Niall on the other. The first group is really just Liam, because Louis makes himself useful by drinking a soda and watching. Occasionally he’ll shout at Liam. It does nothing to phase Liam, because Liam puts the tent together seamlessly, like he’s done it a hundred thousand times. Like he spends his nights at home practicing or something.

Somehow, Harry manages to poke a hole in their tent. They’re going to have to fix it later so bugs can’t get inside and eat them alive like they did with the van. When they finally step back to admire their work, it’s to see that only one half of the tent is standing up perfectly, while the other half is slumped.

“It’s because you poked a freaking hole in it,” Louis says, crossing his feet at the ankle. “Liam and I will be sure to tell you what it’s like sleeping in a perfectly made tent.”

“It’s not blown up with air,” Zayn says. “Harry poking a hole in it wouldn’t cause this. We must have put a pole in wrong somewhere.”

“Which means we’d have to take it apart,” Harry whines. “I don’t want to do that again. I’ve already stabbed the thing once.”

“No one said anything about you doing it,” Niall says, shooing Harry away from the tent. “It’s possible that one of the poles we put it wasn’t properly inserted into the other, so that could be causing the lack of support.”

“Maybe,” Zayn mutters, frowning at the tent. “God, we’re really going to have to take this entire thing apart, aren’t we?”

“No, you’re not,” Louis says. “Liam, show them some mercy, please.”

Liam rolls his eyes but helps them out anyway. He spends a minute fiddling around with things before he gets the second tent looking exactly like the first. They both stand perfectly upright. And he even manages to fix the hole that Harry created.

Harry tosses everyone sleeping bags and pillows, and they get to work making the insides of the tents look as put together as the outside.

“What the fuck,” Louis shouts, catching one of the pillows. “My neck has gone stiff from the way I’ve been sleeping, and you’ve had a pile of pillows up there this whole time?”

“No one said anything,” Harry explains, shrugging when Louis looks at him. “I can’t know that you have a stiff neck if you’re not going to say anything. We’re not mind readers. Besides, Niall’s great with stiff muscles. I’ve been telling him to change professions for ages now.”

“Right, ages,” Louis mutters. “You’ve barely known him that long. No offense, Ni.”

“None taken,” Niall says. “And he’s really only told me three separate times. But if your neck hurts, I’d be happy to help.”

“Maybe later,” Louis tells him, throwing his pillow into the tent without a thought.

Their campground is nice. It’s next to a fairly large creek that makes a lot of noise; the perfect kind of noise to help them fall asleep later tonight. There are a lot of trees and it’s the most refreshing location that Niall has been at in a long time. It’d remind him of home if there was more farmland, he thinks, with the way it makes him feel. There’s something deeply humbling about it, to stare out at the mountains as the sun begins to set.

“We need a fire,” Harry says and everyone agrees with him, so they move around and grab sticks and dried leaves, tossing them into the fire pit as they go.

But no one actually knows how to light a fire, so it mostly consists of Zayn and Louis using lighters to try and catch leaves on fire. Harry is blowing insistently, insisting that he’s seen it on nature programs.

“Liam, while we do this, you should go and catch us some fish. Find berries and shit. Feed us the natural way,” Louis says, managing to catch a leaf on fire. “This is going to be huge, I can tell, so get a lot.”

“I’m not going to catch us any freaking fish,” Liam says in response. “We don’t even know how to prepare fish. Nor do we know any fishing regulations. I don’t have a license to fish, or any fishing gear.”

“God, use your hands like a normal person,” Louis retorts.

“We’re not eating fish,” Zayn says.

“We’re not eating anything,” Niall says. “We don’t have any food.”

“I have a box of crackers,” Harry supplies. “They’re under the driver’s seat. We’ll just have to ration them off to get us through the night.”

“God, this is like those shows where people think they’re going to take on homesteading, but they don’t even have water and refuse to build fences to keep coyotes away from their goats,” Zayn mutters. “If we weren’t leaving in the morning, I’d think we were going to waste away here.”

“We’re not going to waste away,” Harry says with an eye roll.

“Yeah, because we have water,” Niall says, waving his own bottle around so the water makes the swishing noise.

Everyone cheers when a fire finally starts going. It’s not anything to brag about, but there’s flames and heat, and they still gather around it like it’s going to offer them something. But it’s nice. Zayn takes the seat next to Niall and smiles at him, as he settles in.

Harry tells them ghost stories from a book he brought. None of them are scary but it gives them something to laugh about.

**

When the roads start to turn into long stretches of nothing, Niall decides to convince them to let him drive.

“Do you know how to drive?” Liam asks, looking at Niall skeptically from the front seat.

“Vaguely,” Niall answers. “My parents never showed me. I’ve never really been in a car before besides to drive across our property. I figured out the basics from there.”

“Let him drive,” Zayn says, nodding at Louis who is currently driving. “There haven’t been many other cars. It’s only a double yellow on the curves. This road has been pretty straight though, so give him a chance. If things change, we can always pull over and let someone else drive.”

“It’s not going to hurt anything,” Louis agrees, already working to pull the car over. “All right, Horan, show us what you got.”

Driving isn’t as difficult as he expected it would be. It takes a moment to figure out all of the gears. He spends a great deal of time in neutral, wondering why the stupid shift won’t pull down just a bit more into drive before it works. Louis calls him lead foot, as the car lurches forward quickly.

“Just ease into it,” Harry tells him.

“Try not to press down so hard on the gas and brake,” Liam adds. “It’s difficult to do at first, but the car will respond to soft pressure just as much as it does a lot of pressure, but it won’t cause it to fly forward.”

Niall nods and takes all of their comments in stride, doing his best to stop slamming down on the brake and gas.

As Niall comes to understand, everyone has comments to make as he drives. Little suggestions for improvement that they think will help him out. It annoys him at first, to have everyone telling him what to do. It makes him want to hit the brake and just get out, get back into the backseat and tell someone else to take over. But he knows they mean well. They’re all just trying to help him out.

“You don’t have to jerk the wheel so much as you go,” Liam says.

“Let him drive,” Zayn says and everyone listens.

Louis reaches out and turns up the radio to create a bit of noise in the car that isn’t people telling Niall what to do. It helps Niall relax. He can focus on the road. Focus on just how often he actually does need to guide the car back into a straight line.

He’s not an expert by the end of it, but he feels better when Liam takes over as the sun starts to set. He’s comfortable enough to help out when needed, but not comfortable enough to take the road at night.

“You did great,” Zayn says, climbing into the back seat while Harry takes the front and Louis slides into the back. “Really, not bad for a first time.”

“Yeah, nearly died twice,” Louis pipes in. “Cheers.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Zayn says. “He crashed his mom’s car the first time he drove.”

“I didn’t crash it. I backed into the mailbox. It’s different.”

“I didn’t hit anything,” Niall says smugly, grinning at Louis. “But I kind of prefer being back here. I really wanted to read my new book.”

“New book?” Zayn asks.

“Yeah, when we were leaving I bought this book about Yellowstone,” Niall explains, pulling the bag out from under his seat. “I know a little of it, but I’m not that familiar. I wanted to see all it has to offer.”

“God,” Louis mutters, lying back and stretching out. “I’m going to listen to music. I don’t want to listen to you two talk nerd at each other for the next four hours.”

“I wanna hear you talk nerd,” Harry says. “Read it out loud.”

“Really?” Niall asks, looking at all of them skeptically. “It’s just going to be facts and stuff, probably a bit of history and all that. Nothing that exciting.”

“Exciting enough you spent your money on it,” Liam says. “I’m going to play some music lightly, but I don’t mind if you read it. It’d be just like you’re talking anyway, so go for it.”

“Hit us with some knowledge, Niall,” Zayn laughs, adjusting his seat so he’s lounged back. He shifts it around to face Niall fully more and smirks, waiting for Niall to start reading.

**

It’s been a long time since they’ve seen anything. Which isn’t strange. Niall is beginning to understand just how much of the country is occupied by nothing the longer that they’re on this trip. While it makes for a less interesting drive, it comforts Niall to know he’s not the only person to ever live isolated from everything. But it is unfortunate when everyone is starting to smell and grow more tired.

They’re in the middle of nowhere, Nevada, with Harry driving well over the speed limit to try and get them to something. They’ve already had an argument about using their phones to get where they want to go. Louis’ idea of following a traditional paper map is fine, but it doesn’t include attractions, gas stations, hotels, or anything else that they need in order to make it on this trip.

There’s a glowing green light up ahead that has all of them on the edge of their seats. Louis jokes that it’s probably aliens waiting to beam them up since they’re apparently in that part of the country. The part that believes in aliens and claims to have many alien encounters. Niall doesn’t deny that it’s a very real possibility, the existence of aliens, but he doubts that they’re patiently waiting to take them all in their spaceships.

Of course he’s right, when they begin to approach a small motel on the side of the road. The sign outside is a UFO, with a green alien sat inside whose hands are held up in the Star Trek salute, and red ‘vacancy’ written underneath.

Harry takes a hard right turn to make it into the parking lot, screaming about how they’re going to stop because he feels disgusting and he wants to sleep in a bed and not on the ground and not in the car. No one fights him on it, but Louis does mumble about murder when they walk into the office and ask for two rooms.

“How are we going to divide ourselves?” Liam asks, waving two keys around. “We’re in four and five. They’re next to each other, but on the other side of the parking lot.”

“Why can’t we just stick to what we’ve been doing? Liam and I will share a room, Zayn and Harry can stick together, and Niall can bounce back and forth as he sees fit.”

“How about because it’s not fair,” Zayn says. “Harry snores. Have you heard him? It’s awful.”

“Hey, that’s not my fault,” Harry says. “Why don’t you three sleep in the same room, then. I’ll stick with Niall. Roomies stick together, right?”

“I’m not really bothered by where I sleep,” Niall mutters, taking one of the keys from Liam. “I’m going into five. I don’t care who follows me.”

Niall’s tired and really wants to take a shower. He’s not going to start a fight about who gets to sleep where when there’s a bed inside. Probably stiff and uncomfortable, but it’s something that’ll allow him to recline his body completely.

“Oh my god,” Niall mutters, when he pushes the door open.

The room sticks to the alien theme pretty heavily. The bedspread is neon green, and there are pillows on the bed shaped like UFOs and aliens. There are pictures on the walls of the desert, with the Area 51 sign. There are newspaper clippings, and hand drawn pictures accompanied by testimonials about alien abductions. Niall loves everything about the room, in the worst way. It’s tacky and horrifying. And, if he’s being honest, they really shouldn’t be sleeping here because it smells like something damp, probably mold.

“You’re stuck with us,” Zayn says from behind him, followed by a thump as he drops his bag on the floor. “Wow, this is…”

“Our only option,” Harry says. “Zayn, take first shower so you can go to sleep. I know you’re a heavy sleeper, so go first so you can fall asleep while I’m in the shower.”

Niall’s last to shower, and by the time he gets out, Zayn’s already sleeping while Harry’s stretched out on one of the beds playing around on his phone. The blankets are pulled back next to Zayn, so Niall assumes that they decided he’s going to share with Zayn tonight. It doesn’t bother him. It’s fine. Niall doesn’t mind sleeping next to Zayn. They’ve been doing it in the van since the trip began, so he’s used to it.

“We tossed a coin for you. You lost so you have to share with him,” Harry explains, not looking up from his phone. “But I’m sure you’re okay with that, since you’re trading me in and everything.”

“What do you mean?” Niall whispers, mindful of Zayn’s sleeping form. “What does that mean?”

“It means that it looks like you’re trading me in as your best friend,” Harry teases, looking between Niall and Zayn. “You two have been getting close since trivia. It’s kind of obvious on this trip. Is he your new best friend?”

“You’re all my best friends,” Niall explains. “You’re all my only friends.”

“Not for much longer,” Harry says. “Everyone at work loves you. All of our customers love you, so it’s only a matter of time before you give Zayn a run for his money as the new Phoebe.”

“I still don’t know what that means. But even if I make more friends, it doesn’t mean I’m trading anyone in. It just means I have more.”

“How diplomatic of you,” Harry says. “Besides, I’m only teasing you.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

“All right, enough chatter,” Harry says. “You need to go to sleep. I’m letting you both pass out before me, so no one can complain in the morning about how they couldn’t sleep because I snore. It’s not my fault.”

“It doesn’t bother me,” Niall admits. “You’re free to sleep.”

“Nah, it’s cool. I’m looking around online, trying to find some stuff for us to do tomorrow so we can explore some alien stuff, maybe even get abducted while we’re here. I think it’ll be fun,” Harry says. “I just need to make sure we don’t go anywhere tomorrow that’s near Area 51. I don’t need Louis and Liam getting arrested because they’re idiots. I know they’ll do something awful.”

“They wouldn’t do anything that dumb.”

“You really don’t know how awful these two can be. Zayn and Louis like to get up to all sorts of antics too, but Liam and Louis are on an entirely different level.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Harry sighs. “Perhaps you’re right.”

Niall closes his eyes and nods. “Find somewhere I can get a couple books, too,” he adds, before he drifts off to sleep, exhausted from another long day.

**

They’re just entering Texas when Harry nudges Niall. It’s a couple hours since they’ve had lunch and if Harry’s elbowing Niall again to try and get him to convince Louis to stop for food, he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. Especially not with Harry convinced no one can tell Niall no.

“Hey, take a look at this,” Harry says, passing his phone over to Niall.

There’s a picture of Cassini on the screen and Niall grins.

“She looks happy,” he says.

“Yeah, she does. Keep swiping, there’s more. Gem sent a video, too,” Harry says.

Sure enough, there is one. Cass is playing with Gemma’s cat, chasing her around the backyard. A picture of a houseplant follows it, with Cass sitting inside of it and dirt around all of it. Niall watches the video four times before he hands the phone back to Harry.

“Tell her I said thank you.”

“I already told her that your cat hates plants,” Harry says, as he types a message. “I told her she’s always trying to destroy mine.”

“I think it’s the same one we have in our apartment. Maybe she just hates that one,” Niall assumes.

Harry snorts at that. “Or, she hates anyone with Styles DNA and our quest to successfully raise plants.”

Niall smirks but doesn’t answer that. He lies back in his seat and feels a sense of contentment wash over him knowing that Cassini isn’t waiting for him or freaking out. Or worse, hasn’t escaped and tried to find him like those dogs and cats did in the movies he used to watch when he was younger.

**

While everyone has used their phones throughout the trip despite Louis’ clear desire to have them not, it’s Liam that breaks the golden rule of not using his phone for directions.

Niall doesn’t know how Liam is able to get away with it, except for maybe the fact that Louis is sitting behind him, battling Zayn in some kind of game that they’re playing together on their phones. Niall has the back bench to himself, so he’s not aware of anything or anyone. He’s definitely not aware that Liam has taken a detour in the middle of Texas.

Niall doesn’t think anything of it as the scenery changes from highway to wheat fields. It happens so frequently that he’s stopped checking to see if they’re coming up on anything important. But he might be wrong to not check this time, as he starts to notice a fence with no trespassing signs posted. He sits up and slides closer to the window, unable to tear his gaze away from what’s outside.

“Should we be here?” He asks, when no one else speaks up. “There’s a no trespassing sign on that gate.”

“Fuck, no,” Louis shouts, when he takes in the house at the end of the drive.

It’s white and old, a little more worn down than it is put together. There’s rows and rows of different crops out front. It looks like hundreds of other houses that they’ve passed along the way, but everyone seems to be freaking out about this one in particular.

Liam laughs as Harry shoves him into the door, shouting at Liam to get out of the car.

“I thought you wanted adventure,” Liam laughs, catching Harry’s hands in his own.

“We didn’t want to die!” Harry shouts.

“We wanted Niall to see the world, not to kill him in fucking Texas,” Louis says.

“I don’t understand what’s going on,” Niall says, watching as Harry manages to get the driver’s door open and starts trying to shove Liam out of the van with Louis’ help.

Zayn’s the only one keeping a level head, Niall notices, as he turns to him for answers. He raises an eyebrow and Zayn smiles.

“It’s a house from a movie,  _ Texas Chainsaw Massacre. _ It’s a horror movie, where this family kills people that get close to the house. Simplified version, but it’s basically that,” Zayn explains.

Niall shrugs because he’s never heard of it before. To him, it’s just a house in the middle of Texas that people don’t want strangers wandering onto. Clearly with good reason, if it belongs to a famous movie.

“The movie claims to be based off a true story, is why they’re freaking out,” Zayn clarifies. “There’s no actual source to back that up. It’s pretty much known that the movie claims that just to scare people. I think it’s loosely based off an actual killer, but nothing that happened in the movies happened in that house.”

“That you know of,” Harry shouts, switching from using his hands to push Liam out of the car to his feet. “You brought us here, you’re the sacrifice.”

“Harry, put your back into it,” Louis groans, standing up so he can shove at Liam’s shoulders too.

Niall doesn’t know if Liam actually falls out of the car, or if he’s tired of being kicked and shoved that he stumbles out on his own. He stands on the road laughing, clutching his stomach. Niall can see tears forming in his eyes as his laugh goes silent. Louis dives across the driver's seat and slams the door shut, locking it, and then climbing into the seat.

“You did this to yourself,” Louis shouts through a crack in the window.

“How long are we going to keep him out there?” Zayn asks.

“Until someone comes and takes him,” Harry answers.

“Is that someone going to be us?” Niall asks, watching as Liam continues to laugh outside. He’s got his phone held up in the air and Louis flips him off. “You know we can’t actually leave him in Texas, right?”

“Being stranded in Texas is punishment enough,” Harry says. “But you know those really shitty forms of punishment that shitty parents do, where they make their kids stand outside and hold up signs saying they failed math, or whatever?”

Zayn nods. “Is this Liam’s cardboard sign?”

“Getting chainsawed? No,” Louis says, restarting the engine from when Liam turned it off. “This is.”

Louis drives the car forward and then stops, staring into the mirror and watching as Liam follows behind him. He reaches for the handle and Louis drives further. It keeps going, further and further they make Liam walk until the house is no longer in sight. No one comes running out of the fields to torment them, so Niall suspects there really isn’t anything more to this house than an exhausted family that wants people off their property.

“How long are we going to make him do this?” Niall asks.

“Until he has a blister,” Harry says decisively. “That’s what happens to people who bring us to places like this.” He directs the last part out of the window at Liam, who doesn’t seem to mind that he’s trailing behind the van instead of riding along inside of it.

“We still have eight hours until we reach New Orleans, let him in the van,” Zayn says, unlocking the back door and sliding it open.

“Fine,” Louis mutters, hitting the breaks so Liam can jump in. He smells like sweat and the outdoors and it makes Niall’s nose wrinkle as he climbs into the back.

“Drive!” Harry shouts. “There’s someone over there, so fucking go.” Harry starts slapping Louis as he screams excessively.

“Thanks, Liam,” Zayn mutters, jerking in his seat as Louis speeds off, causing the van to rock violently. “Seriously, thanks.”

Liam grins at him in response, already stretching out in his seat.

**

New Orleans is drunk.

Well, not the city itself, but everyone in it. Maybe the city is, if it’s somehow developed a life force and is consuming the alcohol being splashed on the pavement.

There’s a lot happening. It’s not exactly loud, but it’s vibrant. There is an energy to everything, from the buildings to the people. Everyone seems to be happy to be there, whether that’s from the alcohol or not, Niall’s not sure. People walk in the streets, beads around their neck and giant cups in their hands. The beads aren’t just around people’s necks. They’re dangling from balconies and telephone lines and trees.

Niall doesn’t know what to make of it all. They spend the afternoon wandering around the French Quarter, and Zayn has a lot of facts up his sleeve. He tells Niall about the history of the town and some of the buildings, including all the places believed to be haunted.

Everyone is divided on where they want to go. Louis and Liam want to go to all the bars along Bourbon Street, to tour them all and see which one is the best. Harry wants to go to a jazz club, but he’s willing to wait until night when the atmosphere will be significantly better. Niall doesn't know what he wants to do, doesn’t really care as long as it’s not crawl through all the bars in the city with Liam and Louis.

“Hey,” Zayn says, gently grabbing Niall’s arm and tugging him aside. “I made us some plans.”

“Oh, we should tell them,” Niall says, “So they’ll stop fighting.”

Zayn shakes his head quickly. “No, these are just for us. Us two.”

“Oh,” Niall mutters, blinking as he stares at Zayn. “Okay, yeah.”

“We’re gonna see you later,” Zayn shouts, tugging on Niall’s arm and pulling him even further away from the group.

Niall waves over his shoulder at the other three as they round a corner.

Zayn checks his phone a couple times and changes their directions frequently, moving down the middle of the street like everyone else.

“How do you feel about dessert for lunch?” Zayn asks, coming to a stop outside of a little café.

There’s a man standing inside on checkered tiles playing the violin. It’s a tiny little place, but it smells nice inside so Niall smiles and nods, motioning for Zayn to lead the way.

Zayn grabs them two lemonades and beignets. He promises Niall that he’s going to like them, but they’re a little sweet.

They eat it out on the patio, on iron chairs under trees that provide them shade. It’s quiet where they are at. Niall can still hear the bustle of everyone running around, but it feels like they’re separated from it somehow, like they’re in their own little world.

“I like it,” Niall tells Zayn after he finishes his first bite. “It’s really good. Not really lunch, but it’s nice to change things up a bit. Especially with the lunches we’ve had recently.”

“Gas station hot dogs not your favorite thing in the world?”

Niall laughs. “No, it’s not.”

“Louis was pretty bad about planning food, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah, he was, but it’s part of the fun. I’ve read stories about people traveling across country, and it’s not always glamorous. But it’s worth it.”

Zayn nods his head like he agrees. He points behind Niall, motioning for Niall to turn around as he takes a drink. Niall follows and finds two stray cats sitting on the stairs of the police station next door. He abandons his lunch to greet them, moving towards them slowly with his hand outstretched, palm up. The cats look rough, like they’ve been living on the streets for a while, but they’re well fed. They let Niall scratch behind their ears before they wander off. Zayn brings him their food over so they can eat it sitting next to the cats.

“We have to go,” Zayn says after a while. “We have somewhere we need to be and if we leave now, we’ll make it exactly on time.”

“On time for what?”

Zayn smiles at him and stands. He tosses their trash away and then waits for Niall at the gate. Niall takes that to mean it’s a surprise, so he follows behind Zayn as they weave their way through New Orleans. They walk to the edge of the French Quarter, stopping outside of a sandwich shop where a large group of people are meeting.

“Before I check us in, I need to know how you feel about the idea of a cemetery tour,” Zayn asks, biting his lip as he looks at Niall. “I know that it’s strange. It’s weird to tour people’s final resting place, but New Orleans has a really fascinating history when it comes to death and how they take care of their dead. And I know that you like facts.”

Niall nods his head eagerly. “Yeah, please.”

“Are you sure?”

“Zayn, that seriously sounds amazing,” Niall assures him, watching as Zayn smiles.

Zayn nods and then approaches a woman with a clipboard. Niall can hear him give her his name and then she tells him to stand against the side of the building. They’re the last people that she’s waiting for. She explains to everyone how the tour is going to go and everything that they can expect. She divides everyone into two groups, sending half of the people across the street with her while another woman steps in to take her place as Zayn and Niall’s tour guide. She’s short and blonde, with an infectious smile that never leaves her face.

It’s better than Niall expected. He learns so much about the city, about the above ground tombs and how the city celebrates life at the time of death. How there are walking parades in the city, where people dance and rejoice in the life of the ones they’ve lost. There is a strange element to it, since they’re walking through a cemetery, but everyone is respectful and it makes the experience even more enjoyable.

Zayn was right. Niall loved every minute of the tour, especially the facts their tour guide shared with them.

“That was so great, I’m not even kidding,” Niall says, as they make their way out of the cemetery. “I loved every second of that. Thank you.”

“No need to thank me yet,” Zayn tells him. “There’s still more.”

“Oh my god,” Niall mutters, shaking his head as he rushes after Zayn.

More turns out to be dinner at a seafood place. Niall orders the gumbo and when he gets it, the bowl ends up being bigger than his head. It’s delicious, and Niall’s stomach could explode from how full and satisfied he feels. It’s the most content he’s been with a meal in ages, even compared to all the other restaurants they’ve tried to eat at.

Everything about today has been fantastic. It’s overwhelming how Niall feels about Zayn taking the time to put it all together. He had to make reservations for the tour, and for dinner. It’s amazing and wonderful and Niall can’t believe that he’s here with Zayn, on the other side of the country enjoying food that he’s never had before in city he’s only heard stories about or read about in books.

“Zayn, today has been amazing,” Niall tells him. “Honestly, one of the best days I’ve ever had. It was perfect.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” Zayn says. “But you’re talking like it’s over.”

“It’s not over?” Zayn shakes his head. “There’s more?” Niall asks, eyes going wide as he takes in the smirk on Zayn’s face.

Zayn shrugs like it’s nothing. “Of course there’s more, if you want.”

Niall thinks about the long day that they’ve already shared together, from lunch to the tour to this delicious dinner. They’ve spent every moment together since they’ve left home and now Zayn has planned an amazing day for just them.

“Yeah, okay,” Niall says, because he can’t imagine not knowing what else Zayn thought up for them.

As it turns out, it’s another tour of the French Quarter. Except this one takes them through all of the haunted locations that Zayn mentioned earlier in the day. They walk around on foot, listening to a man dressed to look like some kind of cross between a vampire and a Victorian king tell them about the ghosts that haunt the city.

**

Their final destination turns out to be Harry’s idea of a jazz club. It’s a small place that’s packed full of people called the Spotted Cat. The other three boys are already inside, drinking and laughing about something. It’s almost impossible to see them with the amount of people inside. Niall finds that he doesn’t mind all the noise and people. It’s not as overwhelming as it felt this morning.

New Orleans is so different from what Niall’s used to that it might as well be in another country. The people, the noise, the vibrancy. It’s all so different that it felt like a shock to his system when they first arrived. Now it feels like it’s starting to settle in his bones.

It helps that Zayn took the time to manipulate their experiences to fit Niall’s interests, to make it something that Niall could see in his own way and appreciate in more ways than running down a cobblestone street drunk in the middle of the day.

The trip has always been about helping Louis forget about his heartache. And it’s doing that. Niall hasn’t noticed showing any signs of pain or discomfort from Louis besides a stiff neck that Niall has taken to rubbing for him in the mornings when Louis is cranky but willing to let Niall do just about anything as long as he’ll feel better about being awake. Neck rubs are that thing for him. But that’s what the trip is about, helping Louis heal his heart. But Zayn’s turned today into something else.

This entire time everyone keeps talking about how this is really for Niall because he’s never seen the world before. And while Niall knows that’s really just so Louis doesn’t have to think about the fact he has to drive thousands of miles to feel okay about the new place in his life, Zayn’s made it so that Niall can see the world in ways that fit him. Niall wants fact books about Yellowstone Park. He wants guided tours telling him about a woman who used voodoo on men for women that asked nicely. He wants to hear about how actor Nicholas Cage blew his fortune just because he used to own properties in the French Quarter and has a tomb waiting for him. That’s what Niall wants. He wants to see, but he wants to learn. He wants to experience what these places have to offer in ways that actually matter to him.

Zayn’s done that for him. He’s made their day in New Orleans the perfect experience.

“Why did you do all of this?” Niall asks, turning to look at Zayn.

Niall thinks he already knows. Zayn doesn’t need to tell him that it’s all been a date for Niall to know that. He knows that he doesn’t know everything when it comes to life experiences like this, but he knows this. Niall knows that Zayn invited him to explore New Orleans in this way as a date.

Niall remembers what Harry said in their alien hotel room, the way he hinted at Niall replacing him with Zayn. He knows what Harry meant now, how he was teasing him. He remembers everyone kept sneaking glances at Zayn when they woke up and saw Niall’s hair. He remembers the way Zayn swallowed when he looked at him for the first time as a blonde.  

But this whole time, all the time spent in the café and at the bookstore together, Niall thought that Zayn was just being nice to him the way that everyone else was. But maybe not, maybe Niall’s had it wrong this whole time.

“Can I do something?” Niall asks, ignoring the fact that Zayn’s been staring at him instead of answering his earlier question. “I just— yeah. Can I do something?”

“Yeah, anything,” Zayn says easily enough, like he trusts Niall fully.

Niall has to take a deep breath to prepare himself. His stomach is doing somersaults and his hands are starting to clam up a bit, but he can do this. And he does.

Niall leans forward slowly and presses his lips against Zayn’s, soft and brief. He pulls back and stares at Zayn, waiting to see what Zayn’s words won’t tell him behind his eyes.

“What was that for?” Zayn asks.

Niall shrugs. “Felt like doing it. I’ve never done that before,” Niall admits. “Was it okay?”

“Yeah, it was okay. More than okay.”

“Really?”

Zayn smiles and nods, taking a step forward so he’s closer to Niall. “Can I do something now?” He wets his lips and Niall breathes out slowly, nodding and waiting even though he knows what’s coming.

Zayn’s not as hesitant as Niall was when it comes to kissing. He presses his palm against Niall’s cheek and tilts Niall’s face the way he wants it. Niall’s super fucking nervous but he does his best to kiss back because Zayn’s kissing him. He’s really fucking kissing him, slowly easing Niall’s mouth open with the soft press of his tongue. It’s a cliché but Niall’s knees feel weak, or he’s becoming light headed from all the nerves at the thought of kissing another being.

“Was that okay?” Zayn asks, resting his forehead against Niall’s.

“More than,” Niall informs him, repeating Zayn’s words back to him.

Zayn pulls away with a soft laugh, running his knuckles along Niall’s cheek for a second before he grabs his hand and leads him into the jazz club.

**

From New Orleans, it’s only a few hours until the beach.

Niall spends most of the trip sleeping because he drew the short stick and ended up having to share a bed with both Louis and Harry. They’re too cheap to buy a rollaway and the room doesn’t come with a couch, so he spends most of the night getting elbowed in the ribs and trying to figure out how he can roll over without waking one of them.

He sleeps through half of Mississippi, all of Alabama, and wakes up in Florida with someone’s hand draped over his eyes while someone else shakes him.

“Shouldn’t I be able to see?” Niall asks, to whoever has the hand over his eyes.

“You’ll see in a moment,” Harry says. “Come on, can you figure out how to get up and walk like this?”

“I guess,” Niall says,” but why do I have to walk with someone’s hands over my eyes?”

“Just do what we say,” Louis says. Niall assumes he’s the one gripping Niall’s arm and helping to guide him out of the van.

The grip on his arm disappears and is replaced by someone grabbing his hand, interlocking their fingers together. Niall suspects that it’s Zayn. In truth, Zayn is the only person Niall trusts to make sure he doesn’t slip and fall flat on his face.

“Sit,” Harry says, pushing on Niall’s head.

Niall feels his knees hit something, so he sits, with someone’s hand on his shoulder helping guide him down.

“Now don’t get used to this,” Louis says, right as one of Niall’s shoes is yanked off. There’s a noise behind him and the next shoe comes off, followed by the same noise. “All right, he’s ready.”

“I’m ready? Is this where you’re going to drop me and my body off?”

“No, come on,” Zayn says, tugging on Niall’s hand until he’s standing and walking.

The ground is hot beneath his bare feet. He hopes they’re not going to walk on it for much longer because it’s actually starting to burn. The pavement starts to turn gritty until it’s soft, soft and cool beneath his feet.

“It’s sand,” Niall says.

Now that he knows what’s beneath his feet, he can hear it, the sound of waves crashing into the shore. There are seagulls and people, as much as there was in New Orleans but it’s different. It’s not as overwhelming with the sounds of the ocean surrounding them.

“Am I allowed to look yet?”

Harry’s hand pulls away slowly and Niall has to squint at the harsh light reflecting off the white sand and turquoise water. And now Niall is overwhelmed in a completely different way. There’s something about the water that feels like breathing for the first time, like everything he’ll ever need comes straight from this place and this moment.

Seeing the ocean is an entirely different experience than reading about it. It’s vast and almost scary to look at, but it’s captivating at the same time.

“When can we swim?” He asks. He turns around to see all four of them staring at him with differing degrees of wonder and curiosity, like they’ve been waiting for this moment and couldn’t wait to see how it would go.

“We need to check in to your hotel and change, but we can come back,” Zayn says. “Or we can check in later if you want to change clothes down at that public bathroom.”

“It probably smells like shit. Literally,” Louis says.

“Besides, if we go to the hotel, we can eat some lunch and then come back,” Liam says.

“Zayn and I are going to find our own thing to do,” Louis says. “Come on, my shirt is starting to stick to my back.”

“Why would you make separate plans?” Niall asks, following everyone back to the car.

“I don’t swim,” Zayn says easy enough. “But it’s fine. We can come. I don’t mind sticking to the beach and reading if you want everyone together.”

“No,” Niall says, shaking his head. “It’s just hard to tell with Louis what he means half the time by things. You guys should go to get groceries. It’ll be nice to eat real food tonight.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Zayn promises, grabbing Niall’s hand.

**

Louis and Zayn drop them off at the beach after everyone has eaten and showered. They have hotel towels and bottles of water and Niall doesn’t think they need much else. Louis and Zayn promise to call when they’re done, or just show up if no one answers. And they’re going to get the food that Niall asked for as well because everyone agreed it’ll be nice to make their own food.

“All right, are you ready?” Liam asks, lying his towel down on the sand.

“Go first, I want to take pictures of baby’s first steps,” Harry says, waving them forward. “Niall, you’re baby.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Niall says, rolling his eyes. “And I’m just going to walk in. I’m not going to do anything that warrants a photo shoot.”

“But it does. You’re going to want these pictures,” Harry says, looking at Niall meaningfully.

Niall supposes he’s right. These pictures and memories are going to be the things that remind him this trip was worth it. They’ll be memories to show his parents when he finally goes back home. Not to stay, but to visit. To show them everything that he’s been missing out on, and everything he has now. The pictures of his friends camping in National Parks, of floating down rivers in tubes with strangers doing the same, of him driving a van down a barren road across from snow capped mountains. Niall’s going to want pictures to remember these moments—these moments that capture just how easy it is for him to take his place in a world that he’s always believed he was so different from. All of these pictures are little pieces that prove he’s capable of healing and living.

So Niall walks into the ocean and let’s Harry take his picture. He tries to forget about it as he walks further and further in. The water isn’t rough, but waves break against his stomach until they’re further out.

“It’s nice,” Liam says, leaning back to wet his hair. “The Gulf is always better than the other oceans.”

Niall doesn’t have experience with other oceans but he has to admit that Liam is right, this is nice. The water is warm and clear, letting him see his toes in the sand and the quick moving fish that rush around them.

Harry joins them and dives in right between Liam and Niall, splashing them as he goes below the surface.

“Oh god,” Harry groans when his head is above water. “There’s nothing better than this. Also, we need to buy sunscreen. Niall’s shoulders are already red and his shirts been off for like five minutes. Jeez, I could tell you burned easily, but you’re going to be fried later.”

“It’s all right,” Niall says, squatting down until the water comes up to his neck. He closes his eyes and feels the movements of the water around him, gently rocking him. “How many days are we going to be here?”

“Tonight, then two full days before we leave,” Liam says. “Then we’re going to the Atlantic Ocean.”

“Is it like this?” Niall asks.

“No, not really. The waves are stronger and it’s not as clear, at least not in any parts I’ve been in,” Liam says. “But it’s still the ocean.”

“We’re going to take you to all of them,” Harry adds. “When we get back home, we’ll figure out when we can go to the Pacific. Obviously that’ll be easier though, since we’re closer to it at home.”

“Another trip?” Niall asks.

Harry nods. “Yeah, it’ll be easier.”

“Why because we’ve already taken one?”

“No, because Zayn’s not going to be our Phoebe anymore, not now that you two are,” Harry raises his eyebrows at Niall suggestively, like he knows more than he thinks he does. Which Harry always thinks he knows more than what he does.

Niall’s not going to entertain him with that. But he likes the sound of going on another trip like this. He knows it won’t be right away. Come the end of this trip, everyone will be tired and ready to go home. They’ll want to be away from each other for a while. Niall just hopes that they don’t forget the moments like this.

**

The saying goes that all good things must come to an end.

Niall’s never understoond that. He doesn’t believe it either. There might be breaks between each good, but that doesn’t mean that inevitably, people are left with nothing. Niall doesn’t want to believe it. But he feels it. He thinks he understands what it’s like to believe that everything good is ending.

When they finally make it out of the ocean, Harry is six voicemails and thirty-three texts from Louis telling him to catch an Uber and meet them at the hospital. There are directions and threats from Louis to hurry the fuck up.

Time slows on the way to the hospital. It feels like it takes half of the remaining years Niall has left for someone to pick them up. They’re soaking wet from the waist down, wrapped in cheap hotel towels and the shirts they arrived in. Niall doesn’t even hear Harry or Liam talking to the driver, both of them trying to remain positive and optimistic. All Niall can think about is Zayn because it’s him. It’s him that’s somehow landed himself in the hospital.

Louis didn’t give them details. He didn’t say anything other than they’re going to the hospital and Liam, Harry, and Niall needed to hurry their asses up and get there. The call came nearly an hour ago, and Niall’s brain is scrambling to try and understand what could be going on.

Niall wishes they could have gotten the call before. If they had spoken to them before, Niall could have fixed it. Niall could have stepped in and healed and fixed whatever happened. There’s no need for hospitals when Niall is around. And while it’s not his responsibility to carry the burden of healing the world on his shoulders, Niall could do it. Maybe there are things he can’t do, but helping someone he cares about is something he’s capable of. He’s been doing it for his entire life. Niall knows what it takes and he’s happy to do it.

The hospital is busy, as they always are in the afternoon. The hallways smell like disinfectant and the air is cold. Everything is stark white and cold and absolutely necessary to the survival of everything within it. There are patients going for walks with IV bags trailing behind them and nurses moving from one place to another, moving quickly.

“What the fuck took you so long,” Louis says, rushing up behind them. “You’re not even going the right way. Come on, he’s over here. Doctor’s in there so they kicked me out.”

“What did you do?” Liam asks.

Louis rolls his eyes and then shoves his hands into pockets. “I might have caused a minor scene,” he admits, shrugging and avoiding eye contact. “His doctor is an asshole anyway. He deserved it.”

“You look fine,” Harry says, confused. “What happened?”

Louis talks about broken bones and stitches. He points to his scalp and then to his elbow. Niall tracks the movements with his eyes and tries to imagine what Zayn might look like in the next room. Louis says that the doctors are worried about a concussion, and that’s what they’re talking to Zayn about, who Louis says is on pain medicine and probably doesn’t even know what they’re talking about. It’s why someone needs to be in there with him.

Niall’s fingers itch. His palms are sweating and he can tell that Louis is nervous. He’s overcome with emotion that Niall can’t touch. It’s just like when he broke up with Danielle, Niall is helpless and there’s nothing he can do for him. There’s nothing Niall can do until they’re in the room with Zayn.

It takes minutes for them to be given the clear to see Zayn. The doctor gives Louis a look as he passes them, like he’s worried Louis might strike. And Niall thinks he could, given the circumstances.

Zayn’s room is small and they all have to stand pressed against the wall to fit inside. They’re going to be releasing him soon. It’s all a matter of paperwork and insurance, which roughly translates to them taking their time and Zayn being stuck in that bed for longer than he needs to be.

Niall feels like he’s moving on autopilot. Everyone is talking and he’s frozen. He can’t stop staring at the cast on Zayn’s arm, at the scabbed rash from sliding across the ground, to the stitches across his head. Niall doesn’t know what to do besides stand in the back of the room and stare at Zayn in a way he never has before, and never wants to again. Niall has to fix this. He has to take care of this, and he hates that Zayn being in the hospital means that he can’t.

Now Niall has to come up with a plan. He has to figure out how he can fix Zayn’s injuries without alerting anyone else. Maybe when Zayn’s sleeping. There’s still time to figure it out.

“Why don’t you three go get something to eat,” Zayn says and Niall notices that he’s looking at him. “Give me a minute to talk to Niall.”

Niall drops his gaze down the floor and waits, watching as Louis, Liam, and Harry walk past him and out of the room, closing the door behind them. Harry brushes a hand against Niall’s shoulder as he goes and Niall nearly crumbles under the weight of it, of Harry’s comforting hand and the sound of pain in Zayn’s voice.

“You’ve been awfully quiet,” Zayn says. “Anything on your mind?”

“You’re hurt.”

“Yeah, but not a lot. They gave me something to help me out,” Zayn explains. “So it’s all right. Honestly, everything’s fine.”

“It’s really not fine,” Niall says. He stays back in his corner and doesn't move closer. If he moves closer, he’s going to touch. He’s going to try and heal Zayn. “You were fine, but you’re not anymore.”

“I’m still fine, just a little bruised.” 

“How did this happen?”

“It’s so dumb,” Zayn laughs, shaking his head at himself like this whole thing is amusing to him. “Louis wanted to do something so I wouldn’t be stuck sitting on the beach. We rented bikes, from those racks that are all over town.”

“You fell off a bike?”

“More or less.”

“More or less?” Niall repeats, confused. “How do you more or less fall off of a bike?”

“I don’t know. Niall, can you just come here?”

“No!” Niall shouts. “You’re hurt and I have to—It’s not okay. You have to let me—I just need to take care of it.”

Zayn looks at Niall and wets his lips. He checks the door to his room and then says, “You want to care of it? Does that mean you want to heal me?”

Niall blinks and stares, suddenly completely frozen. He wishes he wasn’t standing in the corner of the room so he could run if he needs to. Zayn is straddling the line of something, the line of knowledge that he shouldn’t have. Like he knows exactly who Niall is beneath the surface.

“Niall, you’re freaking out,” Zayn sighs, running his fingers through his hair. “Can you please just come here? Please, I want to show you something.”

“Why can’t you show me from over here?” Niall asks, absolutely terrified.

“Please,” Zayn begs, holding out his hand.

Niall stares at it and slowly takes a step forward. His own hands are shaking at his sides. He can feel his heart hammering somewhere in his throat, threatening to jump out of his body completely. Zayn takes his hand when he’s close enough and Niall think he might fall over from how terrified he is that Zayn knows things he shouldn’t. But then…

Niall’s heart is back in his chest, beating as it usually does, in ways that he doesn’t notice. He no longer feels like he’s paralyzed from fear.

“You did that,” Niall breathes. “You did—but how? I don’t understand.”

Zayn smiles at him but doesn’t let go of Niall’s hand. “You can’t heal me here,” Zayn says. “I know there’s no point in telling you no anyway, but you can’t. I can’t walk in with a broken arm and leave without one.”

“You’re like me,” Niall says unable to process anything but that. “How is that possible?”

“You should go get Louis to force the nurse to get my paperwork done soon so we can get out of here,” Zayn says instead of answering him. “We haven’t gone to the store yet and I’m starved. And I don’t want to eat hospital food. It’s a step above gas station food.”

Niall laughs. “Maybe we can compare hospital hot dogs to gas station hot dogs.”

“After you fix me?” Zayn asks, and his eyes are sparkling as the words come out of his mouth. He doesn’t say it like they have secret. He says it like someone who knows what it means to be capable of so much more.

**

Zayn and Niall are sitting on the beach, on the same cheap hotel towels they had the day before while Liam, Louis, and Harry toss a ball around that someone abandoned on the beach. No one’s said anything about the fact that yesterday Zayn had a cast on his wrist and now he doesn’t. He had stitches along his hairline and now he doesn’t. He had aches and pains that are nothing more than a memory, with pain pills flushed down their hotel toilet. And no one cares that Niall is the one who fixed it. They only care about Zayn and that he’s okay. They care that he’s able to continue their trip in one piece.

Niall’s world hasn’t fallen apart and he doesn’t know how to feel. He doesn’t know how to reconcile the fear that’s been following him around for so long.

There’s nothing telling him that anyone cares. No one is dragging him away somewhere like his mother always worried about. He’s fine. He’s safe. And everyone around him is taken care of.

“Do you feel okay?” Zayn asks, nudging Niall with his shoulder and pulling him out of his thoughts.

Niall breathes in the ocean air and lets it out slowly. “Shouldn’t I ask you that?” He wonders, squinting as he turns to look at Zayn. “You’re the one who was in the hospital yesterday.”

“I was,” Zayn says with a nod. “But now I’m not and you’ve been staring at the sand for the last thirty minutes. And you have a book laid open in front of you that you got in the gift shop yesterday. It’s not like you to avoid a book.”

“I just keep thinking about everything that’s happened lately,” Niall admits.

He doesn't know what to say. Niall’s had secrets for so long that they feel like they’re embedded within him, like if he lets it all out now he’s going to lose himself into nothing but the thin thread that’s been holding him together for so long. But those secrets are gone now.

The people that matter most to Niall all know who he is and what he’s capable of. No one cares. It’s nothing to them. Everything is exactly as it was before.

“Come on, what are you thinking about?” Zayn asks again, getting Niall to look at him.

“I’m thinking about the sun,” Niall says. “About what it does for us, its purpose. What it’s made out of.”

“Yeah? What is it made out of?”

“The sun?” Niall questions, breathing out heavily when Zayn nods. “It’s made out of gas. Elements. Too many things to name, but I guess I could, if you really wanted me to.”

“I think you’re made out of it,” Zayn says, causing Niall to snap his head up.

“You think I’m made out of the sun?”

“I think you’re made out of the sun. Out of the moon. Out of the stars. There’s an entire galaxy inside of you, Niall,” Zayn says intently, looking at Niall like he can see inside of him, inside every layer to him and map out the constellations he believes are there. “You’re celestial and it’s beautiful. Everything that you are, everything that you’re made of.”

“A galaxy, huh?” Niall laughs lightly, hoping that it comes off as teasing because his palms are sweating and Zayn’s looking at him like he’d carve the world for Niall, like he’d make a universe and give it to Niall if he could.

“Yeah, a galaxy. And we should be so lucky to be connected to something as magnificent as that. To have it wrapped around our bones and embedded inside of us. Inside of here,” Zayn says, placing his hand over Niall’s pounding heart.

Niall breathes out slowly and swallows, shifting so he’s facing Zayn. “I don’t know about being made of the sun,” he says. “My mom used to say that when I was younger. I think it was to make me feel better about being alone since there’s only one sun.”

“That we know of,” Zayn says. “Because you’re not alone anymore, Niall. You never really were.”

Niall’s mother always told him that he’s the sun. That a piece of it lies within his heart and that’s why he’s able to do the things that he can, why he can heal people and no one else can. But that’s not true. Niall’s not alone. Maybe they’re not made of the sun. Maybe they’re made of the moon and the stars, and Niall just wasn’t fortunate enough to meet them yet.

Niall thinks that’s what Zayn is. Zayn is the moon and his glow is just as strong, just as important. He’s able to feel so much from others and he’s never shied away from any of it. Zayn’s never had to hide who he is from the people he cares about and now, neither does Niall.

****

It’s déjà vu when Niall wakes up to someone’s hand over his eyes.

“Is this the actual moment where you discard of my body?” Niall asks, undoing his seatbelt and climbing out of the van with the help of whoever is gripping his arm this time around. “I don’t hear the ocean.”

“We’re not at the ocean,” Liam says.

“Yeah, we’re not going to use our party tricks for the same thing twice,” Harry says, and Niall knows he’s the hand over his eyes. Harry’s hands are always warm, no matter if he’s cold or not. “This is even better than the ocean.”

“What’s better than the ocean?” Niall asks, laughing as he continues to let his friends drag him around. “You know, this is going to look suspicious. Four guys dragging another around and covering his eyes.”

“We’ll tell them you deserve it,” Louis says, “because your little nerd heart is going to explode in a moment. We’re doing this for your own good.”

“Louis thought you might like the suspense,” Zayn says. “And your heart might definitely explode.”

“Should I be worried?”

“It’s a good explosion,” Harry says. “Watch your step, we’re at a curb.”

“Okay, are you ready?” Zayn asks, his voice close to Niall’s ear.

Niall takes a deep breath and nods. When the hand is removed from Niall’s eyes, it’s just like at the beach. It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust but when they do, and he realizes where he’s at, his heart nearly catapults out of his body.

“Oh my god,” he whispers, before he finds himself. “Oh my god. Oh my god.”

“Excited?” Louis asks, grinning next to him.

Niall has to put his face in his hands because he feels like he could lose his shit. They’re at the Kennedy Space Center and it’s far greater than uncovering his eyes and seeing the ocean.

“There’s a launch today,” Harry says.

“Oh my god,” Niall screams, turning to dive on top of them. He gets his arms around Zayn and Harry, squeezing them both before he turns and dives on top of Liam and Louis.

There have been so many days on this trip that Niall counts as one of his favorites, but this is it. Niall’s living in the clouds and everyone is right; it feels like his heart is going to explode from excitement.

“So, you ready?” Louis asks and he’s already walking like he knows what the answer is.

“Is this good?” Zayn asks, sliding in next to Niall and taking his hand in his. “What do you think?”

Niall opens his mouth and nothing comes out. He thinks he might squeak or something because Zayn laughs at him and kisses his cheek, letting Niall pull him towards the entrance like a kid getting ready to enter a toy store. But this is it. This is Niall’s toy store and he’s ready for it. And he’s ready for whatever comes after it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy! Once again, don't forget to check out the wonderful art Katelyn made. Seriously, scream at her about how amazing it is like I did. And don't forget to check out the other works in [the collab](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/The1DCollab_Round1), too! Thanks again :)


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